Depression and Anxiety Thread

[W3H5]

What year did you friends say they met someone?

IIRC they met around 5 to 6 years ago. Could have been more, but it’s not something I committed to hard memory.

 

[MIE1992]

IIRC they met around 5 to 6 years ago. Could have been more, but it’s not something I committed to hard memory.

Bingo. Every time. It's always over three years ago, no matter who I ask.

EDIT: On OKCupid, only about 1/8 or so accounts I swipe right on are even active. The rest never get that green light next to their name.

 

[W3H5]

Bingo. Every time. It's always over three years ago, no matter who I ask.

EDIT: On OKCupid, only about 1/8 or so accounts I swipe right on are even active. The rest never get that green light next to their name.

Is it not possible for you to try IRL contact. There must be some kind of hobby or interest you have that has groups in your area. Or even if you just attend a few bars and hang out to watch sport, you might meet somebody by accident.

 

[MIE1992]

Is it not possible for you to try IRL contact. There must be some kind of hobby or interest you have that has groups in your area. Or even if you just attend a few bars and hang out to watch sport, you might meet somebody by accident.

Funny you should mention IRL contact. I've actually been part of a social MeetUp group since summer 2020, and I haven't met anyone yet, but there's this guy I think I'm gonna stay in touch with, since it seems like he knows a lot of people. He introduced me to this woman who seemed friendly, but ultimately wanted to focus more on her work. Still, this guy - and a couple others - seem like they could help me out in that way.

I suppose I just was hoping online dating would provide a nice way to have an additional way of meeting people. It's so frustrating when you see all these headlines from the last year or two, saying that online dating is bigger than ever, and yet my experience could not differ more. It's a ghost town. Maybe it really is "bigger than ever" - by revenue or market capital, build on the backs of desperate men trapped within a completely unsustainable ecosystem. Said ecosystem being the male/female ratio within the apps, that is.

In the next decade, I could see online dating crashing badly if it doesn't do the following things:
1. Automatically delete inactive accounts after a certain period of inactivity.
2. Take more effort to ban those who are just there to shill their OF/SC/IG.
3. Get more women to join. I don't care how, just do it.
4. Have verification mandatory on all apps. AFAIK Tinder and Bumble are the only ones to even have it as an option.

It also doesn't help that most apps are owned by MatchGroup, which isn't just publicly-traded, but also has been in some hot water with the FTC.

EDIT: Here's a very recent article from Medium that agrees with me, for what that's worth.

 

[FA_Hayes]

When did you meet? Like, what year?

2015, like I said in my post.

 

[MIE1992]

2015, like I said in my post.

And there you go. Beyond a friend of mine who did indeed meet a woman off Hinge in the last year, every single time I hear about someone meeting another person online, it's three or more years ago. Something changed - and for the much, much worse, too.

 

[JohnBM01]

I read something online recently linking depression to dehydration. If you don't drink enough water, there is a chance you become more depressed if depressed. Perhaps more reason to stay hydrated.

 

[JohnBM01]

I hope you all continue to try to keep your happiness up and hopes up regardless of what is going on in our world. Hopefully you all are doing well.

 

[JohnBM01]

You know, I just thought of what I really wanted to say prior to my last post. I guess the root of my depression has been thinking about how everything seems so negative and not much being offered in making life happy or prosperous. So when I look back on my life and looking into my current situation, I realize just how much mental pain I have endured. I just think too many things bring us down and not a lot to lift us up. Some of my pain even experienced being online. These include things like feeling I lost some of the ones online I felt were good friends, having to unfollow social media profiles and streamers whom I felt wronged by and no longer considered relevant or "cool." Also, not many of us are willing to disclose details of our pain. That, I think makes dealing with depression worse. Bottling in your emotions and feelings only hurts you on the inside. That's why I set out long ago to come up with this thread as a means of not only sharing our pain from depression (and now anxiety), but also work towards offering hope. None of us are disappointments just because we have certain mental health issues. We really need to stop beating people up over things like this. Like, are we disappointments because we let depression and negativity run our lives? Anything to help make times better and feel like we have a chance in life are vastly appreciated.


As always, don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[Wolfe]

I'm not sure why I keep coming back to GTP. There's almost no discussion anymore on subjects I'd like to talk about or games I enjoy, and I no longer even visit a few subforums I used to read because they're depressing and I must self-censor my point of view within them. I'm only marginally welcome here, among a minority of members who still represent what I always believed GTPlanet to be (you guys rock). I've noted the bridges I've burned, without knowing what exactly I did or in what period of time it occurred. It's too concrete to be a psychological distortion.

In therapy, I've been instructed to work on embracing who I am without shame -- which will not be conducive to getting along with people I rub the wrong way. I know what I am to people, and I've spent my adult life trying to reprogram my outward behavior to compensate. Metaphorically, I am a wolf. I belong on the fringe.

The last two years have been the climax of a lifelong affliction, plus the human madness out beyond the surroundings of our quiet friendly village (a detail I try to remember). Things aren't going good, and things aren't looking good. There sure is a lot of crap going around, @JohnBM01, and I can't believe how bitter people are to each other these days. It's indisputable by this point that we've moved way beyond the standard antagonism and bickering that was always a part of communicating online, going back to the 1980s. We're in a pandemic of mental/emotional illness that predates COVID-19.

It's just difficult to handle when you depended upon talking online as a source of connection and belonging, with a lack of the face-to-face equivalent.

 

[W3H5]

I'm not sure why I keep coming back to GTP.

I’ve had that thought myself numerous times over the many years I’ve been here. An odd feeling like the community would rather see the back of me. Usually I dismiss thoughts like this as I care little what most people think and continue to live in my own little bubble. But a low points I start to doubt everything and become very sensitive.

Ultimately, there are a few quality threads on this forum that I’d rather not be without, even if I’m just sitting on the sidelines and not getting involved, if I’m getting some enjoyment from it I’ll keep frequenting.

It’s so easy to say the wrong thing regarding ones points of view and sometimes it just not worth getting involved and starve the trolls. If you’re talking about what I think you are, then it isn’t just GTP that’s changed in that way, it’s fully across the board.

 

[phillgt2002]

@Wolfe
@W3H5

I think about why I'm on GTP as well.

I think the main reason why I come back here is because the forum isn't so politically charged. Sure, there's arguments in the politics sections, and people are nearly passing out death threats in the GT7 and Assetto Corsa threads , but that negativity rarely steps out of there.

Lastly, there's this really interesting old dad humor that's I only find here, just very dry and sometimes politically incorrect.

 

[W3H5]

@Wolfe
@W3H5

I think about why I'm on GTP as well.

I think the main reason why I come back here is because the forum isn't so politically charged.

I agree. It’s easy enough to stay away from major political issues outside of the Current Events forum. It’s obvious that some of the conflict there is starting to spill over to other areas, however, if we pay it no heed there’s no need for anyone to get their knickers in a twist, whichever way we lean.

These things come and go but the site stays solid. There was a time when ponies and tables caused a mini-war*. We’re here to discuss cars, racing and why breakfast cereal is a soup and why the *orange ball is all you need in life.

*see The Lore of GTP by @Daniel.

 

[Brett]

I stick around GTP because I have been here for a big chunk of my life. I have not played a Gran Turismo game since GT4--maybe a brief bit of GT5 at the beginning, though I hardly remember if I actually did--and will probably not play on again unless the games come to PC. Instead, I am still around because there are people here that I like to see their opinions on things. I do not venture much outside of threads that I have been posting in for years or have been following for years.

Another thing that has kept me around is the way the AUP was implemented early on in the life of GTP. It has kept the site from turning into a toxic cesspool. People generally remain respectful. It has also forced me to examine my own opinions and postings more than I probably would have otherwise; that self reflection is not a bad thing. More of the internet needs an AUP.

 

[Wolfe]

I agree. It’s easy enough to stay away from major political issues outside of the Current Events forum. It’s obvious that some of the conflict there is starting to spill over to other areas, however, if we pay it no heed there’s no need for anyone to get their knickers in a twist, whichever way we lean.

I'm relieved you agree the spillover is obvious, because I have become too sensitive to assess it impartially. My observation: habits that once were more contained to O&CE have become bad habits across the site -- eroding the choice to avoid them. Friendly disagreement is a tougher target to hit. When I mentioned self-censoring, I meant everything. More than ever, dissent attracts arrogant & rude interrogations of your opinions and beliefs that may not be earnestly relevant to the discussion, as well as dog-piling, humiliation, or presumptions of motive or affiliation. Over videogames, or cars.

I'm not programmed to survive this social climate. It has left me without support, or camaraderie in shared interests -- GTP was all I had. I've tried branching out to other places, but they're more vicious and fickle, obviously. It's no easy feat to replace what's been lost. It's not GTP's fault for losing it. (Feeling obligated to clarify that in a hopeless attempt to avoid ruffling any feathers is case-in-point! "GtPlAnEt IsN't ReSpOnSiBlE fOr ThIs..." 👆)

I am totally exhausted with everything, the future looks hopeless in spite of all the rational de-catastrophization I've thrown at it for years, and I'm effectively on my own. I'm torn apart by an innate desire for community and belonging, and repulsion from the sorts of "community" I am offered. I'm torn by a desire for more friendship, and exhaustion in the face of the necessary effort required. I'm damaged, broken, defeated, and getting nowhere with whatever advice I try.

My best hope is that I am at least putting into words what some others have been struggling with themselves.

 

[W3H5]

That’s a deep take.

The side-taking has become common throughout all aspects of life for me, from work to social, to the point where I don’t even engage in small talk with colleagues anymore to avoid the inevitable arguments that come of it.

I’ve found that keeping to myself is the best thing I can do. Many of my hobbies can be done solo and outside of my family I rarely engage in debate. Even talking about subjects such as movies or music these days can lead to some negative generalisations.

It’s easy for me to say it, it’s harder in practise, but don’t feed the trolls.

If I was to voice a fraction of my opinions on any given subject I’d get jumped upon by the naysayers. By avoiding discussing it openly I remain unprovoked.

 

[Wolfe]

@W3H5 -- Your wise strategy has worked pretty well for me until recently, but repeated losses of trust and all the ceded ground have made it challenging.

 

[W3H5]

Anyone get on a downer when your idols die?

As a fan of grunge I’ve been used to the ODs and suicides but something about Chester Bennington’s death hit me pretty hard.

Chris Cornell, Layne Stanley and Cobain all put me in a bad place but something about Chester really hit home.

To this day I feel numb (no pun intended) when I watch his last recorded interview.

Chris Cornell also knocked me through a loop.

So sad watching these people that explain life as I feel it succumb to the ultimate thing that they battled so hard against.

One poignant notion of the Chester Bennington case was that no suicide note was left. Some people put it down to the fact that his whole discography was a suicide note. When you listen to his work this seem to be depressingly true.

 

[lbpomg95]

Anyone get on a downer when your idols die?

As a fan of grunge I’ve been used to the ODs and suicides but something about Chester Bennington’s death hit me pretty hard.

Chris Cornell, Layne Stanley and Cobain all put me in a bad place but something about Chester really hit home.

To this day I feel numb (no pun intended) when I watch his last recorded interview.

Chris Cornell also knocked me through a loop.

So sad watching these people that explain life as I feel it succumb to the ultimate thing that they battled so hard against.

One poignant notion of the Chester Bennington case was that no suicide note was left. Some people put it down to the fact that his whole discography was a suicide note. When you listen to his work this seem to be depressingly true.

Both his and Cornell's lyrics seem to have more meaning now they're both gone. Soundgarden's my favourite band so Cornell hit me very hard.

 

[W3H5]

Both his and Cornell's lyrics seem to have more meaning now they're both gone. Soundgarden's my favourite band so Cornell hit me very hard.

My fandom was for Audioslave, that’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy Soundgarden.
As a father I really struggle to find logic in those actions. Not denying that I’ve had a pop at suicide a few time myself, but I always come around because of my daughter.

Cornell shocked me. Bennington devastated me.

With Fell On Black Days it was apparent that Cornell was in a bad place. With Bennington I thought it was just an outlet in the music. Never thought it would get so far.

 

[lbpomg95]

My fandom was for Audioslave, that’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy Soundgarden.
As a father I really struggle to find logic in those actions. Not denying that I’ve had a pop at suicide a few time myself, but I always come around because of my daughter.

Cornell shocked me. Bennington devastated me.

With Fell On Black Days it was apparent that Cornell was in a bad place. With Bennington I thought it was just an outlet in the music. Never thought it would get so far.

I started on Audioslave, I'd say they're my 2nd favourite

 

[sirjim73]

I don't often venture outside GT or Forza forums here but have been reading some of the recent posts in this thread.

Firstly, I want to say how important this thread is and to thank @JohnBM01 for starting it.

Secondly, I hope it's clear to everyone who reads or posts on this thread that no-one is alone in having troubles or issues. Its something that affects many many people and, based on my recent experience, attitudes are finally changing in most reasonable people.

It's difficult to do, but sometimes you have to somehow find a way to ignore those who aren't. At least on this forum, you can do that literally if you need to.

I was lucky to have friends who were there for me when they were needed the most. And family who were understanding.

But that's not always the case.

I hope in some way people posting here get benefit out of this forum.

 

[JohnBM01]

I don't often venture outside GT or Forza forums here but have been reading some of the recent posts in this thread.

Firstly, I want to say how important this thread is and to thank @JohnBM01 for starting it.

Secondly, I hope it's clear to everyone who reads or posts on this thread that no-one is alone in having troubles or issues. Its something that affects many many people and, based on my recent experience, attitudes are finally changing in most reasonable people.

It's difficult to do, but sometimes you have to somehow find a way to ignore those who aren't. At least on this forum, you can do that literally if you need to.

I was lucky to have friends who were there for me when they were needed the most. And family who were understanding.

But that's not always the case.

I hope in some way people posting here get benefit out of this forum.

Much respect. Thank you kindly. I made this to be a safe haven to discuss dealing with depression. Then later, this thread then changed up to discussion of depression and anxiety. We all can look to each other for support. You are NOT alone, GTPlaneteers.

 

[JohnBM01]

Maybe since I have thoughts of adopting and accepting a minimalist lifestyle, I do tend to feel a bit sad at times. I guess thinking about what really makes you happy and what really equates to happiness are two things that sort of make you think differently about the world.

I hope you all are doing well and are living happily. Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[Michael88]

Anyone get on a downer when your idols die?

I don't even have any idols.

 

[Com Fox]

Maybe since I have thoughts of adopting and accepting a minimalist lifestyle, I do tend to feel a bit sad at times. I guess thinking about what really makes you happy and what really equates to happiness are two things that sort of make you think differently about the world.

I hope you all are doing well and are living happily. Don't let depression or anxiety win.

A few years back, I had a horrible experience with Anxiety, I kept getting panic attacks with the constant thought of not being able to do anything in life and was hard carried by luck.

Ironically, luck played a part in saving me. Got a prescription for some pills to help with my Anxiety and they took effect really fast and improved my well-being. I was eventually taken off them a year later and haven't had issues since. I've been stressed there and there but nothing worryingly.

Aside from me, I've been trying to learn about other people's Depression and Anxiety issues. I haven't been the best friend when it came to this in mid High School (OK, I was absolutely horrible and I regret a lot of things), and want to be able to support them, even if all I can do are minor things like trying to give them something to look forward too, or just being there to comfort them.

 

[Suzuki-Cara]

I always found that having reachable goals in life kept me from developing a depression phase, which normally would last anywhere from a week to a month.

Started out with something small, like trying to platinum every event in PGR2. There were times where I got frustrated, but when I finally got that last medal, and won the Speed 12, I decided to apply it to other things. That was in my adolescent years.

Bought a hibiscus plant that was honestly looking like it wouldn't make it (Stunted, aphid problem, poorly pruned). Didn't think it would survive in the house during the winter, and it's still kicking, even growing flowers here and there.

Another thing I found that helped was getting a hobby. Picked up stamp collecting about four years ago. Despite it being seen as a hobby for old people, there's a lot out there that keep it to themselves, fear of being made fun of and such. Met some decent folks in that community, too. You get a sense of accomplishment when you've finally found that one stamp you search for. Especially when that search lasts well over a year.

It gets tough at times, but when you take the time to look back at what you've managed to accomplish, big or small, you'll say to yourself.

"These things wouldn't have happen if didn't keep going."

Hope that helps. Hopefully.

 

[JohnBM01]

I would say getting more involved being a cook has helped me deal with some rough times. I am at least being mindful of trying different recipes and coming up with different meal ideas. It has helped enrich my mind (while also being fed). Definitely, if you can, try to find some kind of hobby or hobbies to try to enjoy in helping limit depression.

Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[lbpomg95]

Since moving in with Katherine, depression has been more of a distant memory, thankfully. But, sometimes, on the days where she works long hours and I'm home by 2PM, it can rear its head pretty quickly. Some days it's fine, but on others, being alone feels almost poisonous. Finding things to do helps. Though motivation can be hard to find, getting housework done first is best, because then if I do bum around after I don't feel so bad about it.

Car projects are best for me though. We recently bought her a Suzuki Jimny, which was (being kind) a complete turd. Removing all the off-roading mods, insulating the interior for NVH and replacing the mud tyres has been one of the most fun car projects I've ever done.

 

[MIE1992]

I'm thinking of asking my psychiatrist about these things:

-Finding a sex therapist.
-Being prescribed Naltrexone and/or anti-androgens.
-Reversible chemical castration.

I feel that my sexual attraction to women just gets in my way of bettering myself, and I feel that my desires are unrealistic. I don't have faith that I'll find anyone, let alone someone who I'm both physically attracted to and sexually compatible with. (And never mind other factors, like economic stability, not wanting kids, etc.) I sometimes really envy those who are aromantic/asexual; I think they're lucky to not be tied down by their biological urges. I feel that my sexuality is a large source of my broader anxiety and depression, and that if I were to get rid of it, I'd be so much happier.

I even tried online dating for two years - must've tried almost every app under the sun - and I never got a single date out of it. I was lucky to even get a match, let alone a functional conversation. I think it's time I give up on chasing women, and I don't want my biology telling me what I want in life.

People keep telling me that I'm a catch, that I'm handsome, smart, kind, enthusiastic, etc. - and that much worse men out there find women. But I just don't know where all the attractive single women are, because it feels like they all have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband where I am. I don't think I'm comfortable moving into a big city, either, both emotionally and financially. I think it took a lot of effort just to get this mediocre, $18.50/hr hour in a hospital, even though it's full-time with benefits. Most women don't want that. I'm convinced they want muscle-bound investment bankers, trust fund babies, "influencers," and "entrepreneurs." Besides, I wouldn't want to date myself, either. Being better than an abusive heroin addict isn't what women want. That's just "doing the bare minimum," and women know their worth. So, they're able to barter for someone better - someone taller, more handsome, and wealthier.

Seeking love is far from the B-plot you seen crammed into so many Hollywood movies, where love is something that's so damn easy to find. Instead, it's an unreasonably-competitive environment, and I don't think I have what it takes to "win." Heck, it's not even a "battlefield," as some would call it; at least a battlefield is populous. In my experience, it's more like the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, where there's nothing actually there despite the anticipation, and if you keep looking for something good for too long, it'll kill you from the inside.

I am not convinced that love is in my future, so I'd like to renounce my own sexuality. I feel that I have more pressing things to address in my life, like "becoming established in my field," or whatever women want these days.