Depression and Anxiety Thread

[Michael88]

Well, I've been having a depressed episode and that immediately resulted in a flare up of my chronic inflammatory illness. #
Internal bleedings, pain, high blood pressure. Just wonderful. I'm sick and tired of dealing with it (literally) so this time I wont take any debilitating anti-inflammatory medication, I will simply ignore it, live with it - hows that for a change. I've had enough of this.

I already did a heavy weight lifting session today and it went really well, I simply ignored everything like background noise. I also went to work and refuse to take days off. And I will keep doing that.

 

[LeMansAid]

I'm thinking of asking my psychiatrist about these things:

-Finding a sex therapist.
-Being prescribed Naltrexone and/or anti-androgens.
-Reversible chemical castration.

I feel that my sexual attraction to women just gets in my way of bettering myself, and I feel that my desires are unrealistic. I don't have faith that I'll find anyone, let alone someone who I'm both physically attracted to and sexually compatible with. (And never mind other factors, like economic stability, not wanting kids, etc.) I sometimes really envy those who are aromantic/asexual; I think they're lucky to not be tied down by their biological urges. I feel that my sexuality is a large source of my broader anxiety and depression, and that if I were to get rid of it, I'd be so much happier.

I even tried online dating for two years - must've tried almost every app under the sun - and I never got a single date out of it. I was lucky to even get a match, let alone a functional conversation. I think it's time I give up on chasing women, and I don't want my biology telling me what I want in life.

People keep telling me that I'm a catch, that I'm handsome, smart, kind, enthusiastic, etc. - and that much worse men out there find women. But I just don't know where all the attractive single women are, because it feels like they all have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband where I am. I don't think I'm comfortable moving into a big city, either, both emotionally and financially. I think it took a lot of effort just to get this mediocre, $18.50/hr hour in a hospital, even though it's full-time with benefits. Most women don't want that. I'm convinced they want muscle-bound investment bankers, trust fund babies, "influencers," and "entrepreneurs." Besides, I wouldn't want to date myself, either. Being better than an abusive heroin addict isn't what women want. That's just "doing the bare minimum," and women know their worth. So, they're able to barter for someone better - someone taller, more handsome, and wealthier.

Seeking love is far from the B-plot you seen crammed into so many Hollywood movies, where love is something that's so damn easy to find. Instead, it's an unreasonably-competitive environment, and I don't think I have what it takes to "win." Heck, it's not even a "battlefield," as some would call it; at least a battlefield is populous. In my experience, it's more like the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, where there's nothing actually there despite the anticipation, and if you keep looking for something good for too long, it'll kill you from the inside.

I am not convinced that love is in my future, so I'd like to renounce my own sexuality. I feel that I have more pressing things to address in my life, like "becoming established in my field," or whatever women want these days.

I applaud you even just for seriously considering something so against the grain of "normal" society. I'm sure that many would tell you that you just need to persist and eventually it will happen. Well, I've had "true love", a love that was admired by many outsiders as the peak of what love could be, and I can attest that on top of many amazing experiences and feelings it's made my life hell. It's a very dangerous game. So, as someone that's perhaps found what you've been looking for, and is perhaps very much on the other side of the equation...... I'd consider going back and deleting it from my life if I could. I will never be free of that incredible blessing / horrendous curse.

Maybe there's both the old "play stupid games, wins stupid prizes", but also "play dangerous games, win dangerous prizes". I wouldn't blame you for opting out of both of those.

It also makes me think of the rich and famous, and how miserable, and sometimes suicidal, way too many of them are - and the success/downfall statistics on the winners of huge sums of money. If we were all medicated to remove the desire for love, money, power and fame but left with the desire to learn and create I shudder to think how much better our world would be.

Choose to do it or not do it but please don't not do it because it's not "normal". I'm sorry for your pain and wish you the best in life.

 

[Brett]

I'm thinking of asking my psychiatrist about these things:

-Finding a sex therapist.
-Being prescribed Naltrexone and/or anti-androgens.
-Reversible chemical castration.

I feel that my sexual attraction to women just gets in my way of bettering myself, and I feel that my desires are unrealistic. I don't have faith that I'll find anyone, let alone someone who I'm both physically attracted to and sexually compatible with. (And never mind other factors, like economic stability, not wanting kids, etc.) I sometimes really envy those who are aromantic/asexual; I think they're lucky to not be tied down by their biological urges. I feel that my sexuality is a large source of my broader anxiety and depression, and that if I were to get rid of it, I'd be so much happier.

I even tried online dating for two years - must've tried almost every app under the sun - and I never got a single date out of it. I was lucky to even get a match, let alone a functional conversation. I think it's time I give up on chasing women, and I don't want my biology telling me what I want in life.

Some people do the dating thing for way more than two years. Not being "successful" at dating is not a failure. It is okay to not be in a relationship.

People keep telling me that I'm a catch, that I'm handsome, smart, kind, enthusiastic, etc. - and that much worse men out there find women. But I just don't know where all the attractive single women are, because it feels like they all have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband where I am. I don't think I'm comfortable moving into a big city, either, both emotionally and financially. I think it took a lot of effort just to get this mediocre, $18.50/hr hour in a hospital, even though it's full-time with benefits. Most women don't want that. I'm convinced they want muscle-bound investment bankers, trust fund babies, "influencers," and "entrepreneurs." Besides, I wouldn't want to date myself, either. Being better than an abusive heroin addict isn't what women want. That's just "doing the bare minimum," and women know their worth. So, they're able to barter for someone better - someone taller, more handsome, and wealthier.

People can tell you that you are a catch until the cows come home, but those platitudes are hollow. Those people are not the ones you are courting. That handsome, smart, kind, etc means nothing if you are not a good partner.

Women want to be attracted to men. That attraction does does not mean "muscle-bound investment bankers, trust fund babies, influencers, and entrepreneurs". That is some toxic masculinity and purely surface level garbage. I would also avoid being in a relationship with someone so vapid.

Seeking love is far from the B-plot you seen crammed into so many Hollywood movies, where love is something that's so damn easy to find. Instead, it's an unreasonably-competitive environment, and I don't think I have what it takes to "win." Heck, it's not even a "battlefield," as some would call it; at least a battlefield is populous. In my experience, it's more like the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, where there's nothing actually there despite the anticipation, and if you keep looking for something good for too long, it'll kill you from the inside.

Stop looking at Hollywood as an example for finding love or what love is. Movies are not reality.

If you are looking at love as a competition, then you have already lost. It is not a competition. It is an equal partnership.

I am not convinced that love is in my future, so I'd like to renounce my own sexuality. I feel that I have more pressing things to address in my life, like "becoming established in my field," or whatever women want these days.

And there it is. You have a completely off base view of what women want. Women are not an object. They owe you nothing. If you treat them like an object and not as an equal partner, then you are going to have a very bad time.

Women want stability. They do not want to take care of a man child. They want to know you can be relied on when needed and vice versa. They want to be appreciated. They want to you to actively listen to them. They want you to be invested in the relationship. They want you to treat them as an equal.

 

[MIE1992]

Some people do the dating thing for way more than two years. Not being "successful" at dating is not a failure. It is okay to not be in a relationship.

People can tell you that you are a catch until the cows come home, but those platitudes are hollow. Those people are not the ones you are courting. That handsome, smart, kind, etc means nothing if you are not a good partner.

Women want to be attracted to men. That attraction does does not mean "muscle-bound investment bankers, trust fund babies, influencers, and entrepreneurs". That is some toxic masculinity and purely surface level garbage. I would also avoid being in a relationship with someone so vapid.

Stop looking at Hollywood as an example for finding love or what love is. Movies are not reality.

If you are looking at love as a competition, then you have already lost. It is not a competition. It is an equal partnership.

And there it is. You have a completely off base view of what women want. Women are not an object. They owe you nothing. If you treat them like an object and not as an equal partner, then you are going to have a very bad time.

Women want stability. They do not want to take care of a man child. They want to know you can be relied on when needed and vice versa. They want to be appreciated. They want to you to actively listen to them. They want you to be invested in the relationship. They want you to treat them as an equal.

I know they don’t owe me anything, that’s why I don’t want to have sexual attraction anymore. I just don’t feel like there’s someone out there for me.

 

[W3H5]

FYI - Naltrexone should be a last ditch attempt at ridding oneself of a vice.
It’s an extreme opioid blocker that should not be taken lightly. While it can rewire your pathways for good, it’s best reserved for serious addictions.

 

[MIE1992]

Delete

 

[Michael88]

Just wondering, could this be a sign of depression? I'm constantly tired and that at a constant level.
I wake up as tired as I go to bed, I work and do all the chores equally tired. I often feel so tired that I feel like I cant be bothered to walk the stairs, like I am having a ton of weight on my shoulders. I also fall asleep very easily, often at my computer desk at work, I definitely get my 9 hours sleep / day.

Ironically, my energy level is quite high, I just FEEL tired. As tired as I am, I can do 380 watts on my stationary for 35 minutes, I can have a brutal 2 hour long weight exercise session where I bench press 155 kilos or deadlift 250 kilos, in the office I can work harder, longer and faster than anyone else, I can climb mountains as high as 3600 meters with a heavy backpack. And I feel the exact same tiredness in all those all those activities, they don't make it go away one bit.

While my health is admittedly not perfect I don't have any issues that could explain that feeling, my diet is quite healthy and I do sports regularly. I get plenty of good healthy sleep. My blood pressure is a little low but it has always been like that.

 

[Dotini]

I never suffer from colds, headaches or depression. However, I do cause those things in others.

 

[lbpomg95]

Just wondering, could this be a sign of depression? I'm constantly tired and that at a constant level.
I wake up as tired as I go to bed, I work and do all the chores equally tired. I often feel so tired that I feel like I cant be bothered to walk the stairs, like I am having a ton of weight on my shoulders. I also fall asleep very easily, often at my computer desk at work, I definitely get my 9 hours sleep / day.

Ironically, my energy level is quite high, I just FEEL tired. As tired as I am, I can do 380 watts on my stationary for 35 minutes, I can have a brutal 2 hour long weight exercise session where I bench press 155 kilos or deadlift 250 kilos, in the office I can work harder, longer and faster than anyone else, I can climb mountains as high as 3600 meters with a heavy backpack. And I feel the exact same tiredness in all those all those activities, they don't make it go away one bit.

While my health is admittedly not perfect I don't have any issues that could explain that feeling, my diet is quite healthy and I do sports regularly. I get plenty of good healthy sleep. My blood pressure is a little low but it has always been like that.

I am by no means fit, but when bad feelings start to take over in my mind, everything becomes a seemingly impossible task. I don't mind my job at all, but some days I dread walking out the door. I feel like I can't do it, even though logically, I know I easily can.

I'm also getting plenty of sleep, I don't have a hard job to do, or a difficult home life. But, sometimes I have periods where that tiredness completely takes over. I would offer advice but I'm very much in the middle of one of these phases. It just seems to come and go, but external stress definitely makes it worse. For example, my relationship with my parents is very strained lately, and it's exhausted me. At times, I want to remove them from my life completely.

So, in short, I'd say it is part of depression, yes.

 

[HenrySwanson]

Just wondering, could this be a sign of depression? I'm constantly tired and that at a constant level.
I wake up as tired as I go to bed, I work and do all the chores equally tired. I often feel so tired that I feel like I cant be bothered to walk the stairs, like I am having a ton of weight on my shoulders. I also fall asleep very easily, often at my computer desk at work, I definitely get my 9 hours sleep / day.

Ironically, my energy level is quite high, I just FEEL tired. As tired as I am, I can do 380 watts on my stationary for 35 minutes, I can have a brutal 2 hour long weight exercise session where I bench press 155 kilos or deadlift 250 kilos, in the office I can work harder, longer and faster than anyone else, I can climb mountains as high as 3600 meters with a heavy backpack. And I feel the exact same tiredness in all those all those activities, they don't make it go away one bit.

While my health is admittedly not perfect I don't have any issues that could explain that feeling, my diet is quite healthy and I do sports regularly. I get plenty of good healthy sleep. My blood pressure is a little low but it has always been like that.

There's actually a difference between drowsiness and fatigue, with the latter being more common with depression. I'd suggest you see a doctor to rule out an organic cause (I.e. the cause coming from your body) before ascribing it to depression. This might involve some blood tests and a physical exam.

 

[W3H5]

I'd suggest you see a doctor to rule out an organic cause (I.e. the cause coming from your body) before ascribing it to depression. This might involve some blood tests and a physical exam.

I would also recommend this course of action.

I’ve been getting fatigued and close to passing out after lunch times with a high GI carb intake (low blood pressure from digestion) and I’m in the process of arranging a diabetes screening to rule that out.

 

[girabyt3]

Didn't know this kind of thread existed... Thank you @JohnBM01 for creating it ♥

I must confess last month I've suffered a 2-days bad case of depression due to something I unconsciously did at my job... Too clarify, it wasn't my intention to annoy someone, even more, I just wanted to give a good laugh and have a little good time with the people on the booth and for the fans hearing us, I'm not radio host btw, my radio just let's people talk freely to give some inclusion aura to it 👍... Thing is, someone said it to my boss in the worst time possible and she, obviously, was angry with me, but due to the time... She indeed pulled some soft strings to me and I thought "This is it... You threw 6 months of hard work to the trash" and basically every single bad thought went to my mind for the next 2 days... In other words, I was heartbroken and hurt. I even wrote a "relief" vanity card to take out and saying out loud every single thinking I've had that day like, "I'm an idiot, I'm stupid, I'm worthless, I was and still am a waste of money and time... I'm done of life hitting me! It's my (beep) turn!"... Something to please my boss though was I finally followed her advice and decided to seek for help and I found a psychologist who found out what my problem was... My very wounded inner child.

I'm quite a big guy, but still, I remember a lot being bullied at school, despite trying to defend myself (some physical fights included), the school system over here did little to nothing to help me, and my parents back then were facing a small economical crisis which led to my mom go to USA 3 years to get money (my dad already starting to be an ederly couldn't get it easy to get a job and my older brother had his 1-year-old child to take care of)... So during my 7-10 years old I lived with my grandma (RIP )... Middle/High school wasn't the best too, with being bullied again, wanting already to end school for good... Thankfully my institute years were the complete opposite, meeting amazing people in the process and bonding some friendships I will never forget (most of them still alive today)! Despite my grandma and my older brother dying in a 3 month timelapse in 2016... I never looked down! But all started when I started working normally... I know I'm not perfect, but making so many mistakes at work... didn't know something was bad with me...

Before joining my current workplace, the last one was the worst one I've ever been, with the pandemic helping a lot in that... I remember even crying to my boss on the phone due to making him think I wasn't doing my best when, in fact, I was busting my (beep) off doing whatever I could with my personal laptop... The final straw was they started cutting my payoff to even less the local minimum... For my mental health I quitted to that job and 5 months later, I surprisingly joined to my current workplace... Like my institute years, it was a complete 180° turn in terms of environment, my current boss is the best one I've ever had and my crew is simply the best I've ever been ♥

Still, the mistakes still were running to the point I almost, out of nowhere, got fired without knowing why since I took every single measurement to avoid mistakes... That was the start of how I was when "that day" happened... I was vissibly and emotionally wounded... to the point of even crying at the office and being head down all day, hell, I even cried a lot on my 1st psychology session... Thankfully, and this is something I will be FOREVER GRATEFUL WITH THEM, the 2nd day everybody on the radio consolated me and gave me enough courage to face my boss and tell her all my heart wanted to say and trust me... It was such a relief... She even apologized for her words that day and we all celebrated a colleague's birthday that night!

If I'm writing this is because it's time for me to be more and more open to the world, GTPlanet has, since I found it, a virtual home I could enter since we all share the same love and I will be forever be thankful for knowing you guys and let me be open with my love for cars and games in general... ♥

About my very wounded inner child: I didn't know about that term, and to be honest, I thought it was a joke since I have 25 years old... But my curiosity could do more and I didn't know all the issues I had were because of that...

Yeah, I do suffer most of that if not all, and I'm tired to suffer all of it . Especially since that makes me self-sabotage myself (hence why the many mistakes, including one I recently did) . I found the wounded inner child is because of my past and not doing anything to avoid damaging me... Basically I left him alone... Not anymore since I'm now trying to heal him up and showing him he's not alone ♥

 

[MedigoFlame]

I wish I could say things have improved, but it feels like things are fading. A few weeks ago, on July 7th, it's been a year since my therapist passed away suddenly and I still think of her. I know I need to see someone new to help with the loss and issues that we had been working on, but I can't seem to bring myself to "simply" search for one. Probably making excuses for myself by not having time or possibly even money to get help.

I shouldn't care what others say, but a few days ago my friend's wife repeated a thing I've heard all too often. Rather than motivating me, it only made me more upset with not only my own life, but how society demands things from us. "Why don't you go back to school?" "It can't be that hard, why not just do it? What's holding you back!?", and... "You're holding yourself back, get out of your comfort zone and just improve your life?" I get it...I can do these things to make my life "better" than my current situation, but I know there's more to it than just simply my fear of failure. Does seem like older generations don't seem to quite understand the troubles a "millennial" deals with. (My friend and his wife are 30-40 years older than me)

Part of me wants to say my reasoning is the frustration with how society demands we go to school, get a diploma, then that immediately means you'll get a good paying job. From some folks I know, it wasn't that easy and even then you end up in a soul sucking job even if it's in the field you studied. It's different for everyone, but it feels like the plan isn't as simple as my friend's wife put it. When I did go to college, I had no idea what I wanted to do and even to this day I feel lost on myself. The constant drilling from older folks, especially family members, has only made me more demotivated.

Probably sounds stupid to give excuses as to why I'm not trying to improve my life, but I don't see "earning more money" and "being smarter" as a way of having a better life. I'll add that seeing the lack of empathy in so many people out in public is seriously depressing. So much selfishness and people looking down on others has only made me want to get away from....just about everything.

My work hasn't made it any better with how apathetic they all are. Complacent with making things harder for everyone, unless it affects them individually and it somehow ends up as my problem to clean up. "All" it takes is communication and some compassion with people who are in lower positions. (It's not my job, it's _____'s problem, they can do it) I could list so many things that are making me frustrated with work to the point of really wanting to quit. But I can't think of any job that I'd be happy to do that wouldn't drain me.

I don't want to think of it as thoughts of suicide, but I find myself just wanting to "hide" or leave the cycle of crap in the world. Just tired of "everything." Not looking to end things, but I just feel the need to find some hope in society. Sorry if this sounds like rambling or a potential of self-harm. I'm fine for now and don't plan to do anything, I just needed somewhere to write out some thoughts.... Depression has only grown in me, but there's still a small part fighting to motivate me. Feeling like I'm at the bottom of the ladder that I was halfway up, but I have at least one hand ready to pull myself up with.

Appreciate this thread and John always saying "Don't let depression or anxiety win"

 

[sirjim73]

I wish I could say things have improved, but it feels like things are fading. A few weeks ago, on July 7th, it's been a year since my therapist passed away suddenly and I still think of her. I know I need to see someone new to help with the loss and issues that we had been working on, but I can't seem to bring myself to "simply" search for one. Probably making excuses for myself by not having time or possibly even money to get help.

I shouldn't care what others say, but a few days ago my friend's wife repeated a thing I've heard all too often. Rather than motivating me, it only made me more upset with not only my own life, but how society demands things from us. "Why don't you go back to school?" "It can't be that hard, why not just do it? What's holding you back!?", and... "You're holding yourself back, get out of your comfort zone and just improve your life?" I get it...I can do these things to make my life "better" than my current situation, but I know there's more to it than just simply my fear of failure. Does seem like older generations don't seem to quite understand the troubles a "millennial" deals with. (My friend and his wife are 30-40 years older than me)

Part of me wants to say my reasoning is the frustration with how society demands we go to school, get a diploma, then that immediately means you'll get a good paying job. From some folks I know, it wasn't that easy and even then you end up in a soul sucking job even if it's in the field you studied. It's different for everyone, but it feels like the plan isn't as simple as my friend's wife put it. When I did go to college, I had no idea what I wanted to do and even to this day I feel lost on myself. The constant drilling from older folks, especially family members, has only made me more demotivated.

Probably sounds stupid to give excuses as to why I'm not trying to improve my life, but I don't see "earning more money" and "being smarter" as a way of having a better life. I'll add that seeing the lack of empathy in so many people out in public is seriously depressing. So much selfishness and people looking down on others has only made me want to get away from....just about everything.

My work hasn't made it any better with how apathetic they all are. Complacent with making things harder for everyone, unless it affects them individually and it somehow ends up as my problem to clean up. "All" it takes is communication and some compassion with people who are in lower positions. (It's not my job, it's _____'s problem, they can do it) I could list so many things that are making me frustrated with work to the point of really wanting to quit. But I can't think of any job that I'd be happy to do that wouldn't drain me.

I don't want to think of it as thoughts of suicide, but I find myself just wanting to "hide" or leave the cycle of crap in the world. Just tired of "everything." Not looking to end things, but I just feel the need to find some hope in society. Sorry if this sounds like rambling or a potential of self-harm. I'm fine for now and don't plan to do anything, I just needed somewhere to write out some thoughts.... Depression has only grown in me, but there's still a small part fighting to motivate me. Feeling like I'm at the bottom of the ladder that I was halfway up, but I have at least one hand ready to pull myself up with.

Appreciate this thread and John always saying "Don't let depression or anxiety win"

Thank you for sharing. Not easy to do that I'm sure (it wasnt for me).

Please take care of yourself and I hope you find what works for  you. The difficulty is sometimes identifying what is good advice and what is well meaning but unhelpful advice.

I hope you can find good support and guidance wherever it may come from 👍

 

[W3H5]

I shouldn't care what others say, but a few days ago my friend's wife repeated a thing I've heard all too often. Rather than motivating me, it only made me more upset with not only my own life, but how society demands things from us. "Why don't you go back to school?" "It can't be that hard, why not just do it? What's holding you back!?", and... "You're holding yourself back, get out of your comfort zone and just improve your life?" I get it...I can do these things to make my life "better" than my current situation, but I know there's more to it than just simply my fear of failure. Does seem like older generations don't seem to quite understand the troubles a "millennial" deals with. (My friend and his wife are 30-40 years older than me)

Part of me wants to say my reasoning is the frustration with how society demands we go to school, get a diploma, then that immediately means you'll get a good paying job. From some folks I know, it wasn't that easy and even then you end up in a soul sucking job even if it's in the field you studied. It's different for everyone, but it feels like the plan isn't as simple as my friend's wife put it. When I did go to college, I had no idea what I wanted to do and even to this day I feel lost on myself. The constant drilling from older folks, especially family members, has only made me more demotivated.

I can sympathise with this. When I was a young man I had no direction. Education wasn’t for me (I’d tried college) and any job I got was going to be a soul sucking dead end.
I felt like you do for many years. Doctors had me medicate but it helped little.

I was barely able to get motivated to find opportunities. Thankfully I had just an ounce of will power to get over my fears and moved away to start over. Wasn’t easy or without risk but it helped me start over.

Do you have any social groups you are part of? Things like clubs or hobby groups. Having even a small network of people you can communicate with opens up many more opportunities. Have you tried meds and if so, are they working?

 

[MedigoFlame]

I can sympathise with this. When I was a young man I had no direction. Education wasn’t for me (I’d tried college) and any job I got was going to be a soul sucking dead end.
I felt like you do for many years. Doctors had me medicate but it helped little.

I was barely able to get motivated to find opportunities. Thankfully I had just an ounce of will power to get over my fears and moved away to start over. Wasn’t easy or without risk but it helped me start over.

Do you have any social groups you are part of? Things like clubs or hobby groups. Having even a small network of people you can communicate with opens up many more opportunities. Have you tried meds and if so, are they working?

Been taking Sertraline for a few years now and have incrementally increased dosage over time. It worked in a way for sleeping as I could never sleep with my head filling with negative thoughts. Not sure if I have noticed any other benefits lately from it.

Unfortunately my normal group of friends has slightly grown apart, mostly due to them getting married and having kids. (Pretty much at that point in life) Their hobbies had changed from tuning cars and certain games, to stuff that I don't want to try following. Like ATVs, pickup trucks, and PvP battle royale games, none of which I really care for. Have a few other friends I still spend time with and am able to talk to on occassion. Probably the more difficult thing is not being able to spend time with my brother due to us working opposite shifts as he was the one who always pushed me to keep going. We live in an apartment together and get along well, as we both didn't get along with our parents due to their rough upbringing.

Speaking of upbringing, as much as I hear people say your past doesn't define who you are.... I was working to overcome my past with my therapist, before she passed away. Growing up with parents who physically and mentally beat me to "improve" only made me struggle. Them telling me to ignore bullies, that I was stupid, ugly, smelly, my passions were pointless, and that seeking help outside the family was bad. (Much of our Asian family culture doesn't like sharing anything personal outside of the family) I hate to say I blame my past and parents, but years of their negativity really didn't help. My brother helped me finally move out of the house (about 5 years ago now) and it's certainly improved from there.

Hope all that wasn't too personal to share or...stupid sounding.

 

[Suzuki-Cara]

I wish I could say things have improved, but it feels like things are fading. A few weeks ago, on July 7th, it's been a year since my therapist passed away suddenly and I still think of her.

Appreciate this thread and John always saying "Don't let depression or anxiety win"

Dealing with a loss is going to be the hardest thing you're ever going to do. It's harder than making it to the Granturismo World Finals, that's for damn sure. I don't know if you're religious or not, that's a different hole to go down, but ask yourself from time to time. "Would she want to see me in the state I am?" She finished her race, and handed you a baton. The best you can do is take what she's taught you, helped you go through, and take that baton further.

 

[JohnBM01]

A new month is upon us. Hopefully you all are doing well. Be sure to get help if you're indulged in depression and/or anxiety. Try to have yourself a great month of August if you can.

Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[W3H5]

Thanks for the positivity, @JohnBM01.

 

[JohnBM01]

Well, it happened. Earlier tonight, I had an anxiety attack. I forgot to add a new roll of paper towels after rolling off the last pieces, and as I was reminded to change the paper towel roll, I had an absolute panic attack. I felt my body feeling week and my eyes beginning to water. Afterwards, I returned to my room crying and screaming. My mom came in to console me and help me get over my anxiety attack. I felt better a half an hour later. It was the culmination of the mindset of being perfect, responsible, and mindful that drove me to have an anxiety attack.

This thread I created regarded depression until it was changed up to a discussion of depression and anxiety. Some of us get anxious. My example explained here shows all of us can be vulnerable in the wake of an anxiety attack. If anything, try not to stress yourself too much or think too much about something negatively. Most of all, get help any way you can from your support system (even if your support system is yourself).


Don't let depression or anxiety win.

 

[W3H5]

Well, it happened. Earlier tonight, I had an anxiety attack. I forgot to add a new roll of paper towels after rolling off the last pieces, and as I was reminded to change the paper towel roll, I had an absolute panic attack. I felt my body feeling week and my eyes beginning to water. Afterwards, I returned to my room crying and screaming. My mom came in to console me and help me get over my anxiety attack. I felt better a half an hour later. It was the culmination of the mindset of being perfect, responsible, and mindful that drove me to have an anxiety attack.

This thread I created regarded depression until it was changed up to a discussion of depression and anxiety. Some of us get anxious. My example explained here shows all of us can be vulnerable in the wake of an anxiety attack. If anything, try not to stress yourself too much or think too much about something negatively. Most of all, get help any way you can from your support system (even if your support system is yourself).


Don't let depression or anxiety win.

Sorry to hear of your episode, John.

Such an odd situation to trigger such a thing. Have you diagnosed a cause? Other than the loo roll running out, of course? Was it a breathing issue?

Indeed, I believe it was the late Kikie that reared the subject of anxiety in this thread. I’ve been, thankfully, avoiding anxiety for many years. Depression however is something I must always keep at bay.

If you’re feeling residual effects and want to hash it out, feel free to drop me message if there’s anything you want to get out of your system. It’s nice to hear you had your mum’s support.

As a collective we can better deal with these occurrences.

 

[JohnBM01]

It was a combination of things. Part of it is trying to be a perfectionist, part of it was just me losing my mind. Just can't really pinpoint such a thing as a root cause. And by the way... it involved paper towels, not toilet paper, W3HS.

I feel I sometimes seem a broken record or always saying the same thing over and over again, but this is why I say we are all in the same fight together. We need each other to show we are not alone in our episodes with depression and/or anxiety. There's going to be a point where we reach our breaking point. Something is going to trigger those emotions deep within us. I still feel a bit down, but I'm okay for now.

By the way, I'm sad to learn of what happened to kikie in regards to this topic.

 

[JohnBM01]

I always tend to be nervous often times. I felt it was awful when you have both depression and anxiety working in tandem against you. It can be Hell on Earth. So make sure to get yourself right and get some help if dealing with depression and/or anxiety.

And as always... do not let depression and/or anxiety win.

 

[JohnBM01]

I had another depressive episode recently. This time, I wasn't screaming in disappointment. It was just uncontrollable tears and feeling worthless. Depression and anxiety hit hard, but we have to get help when we can. The worst case is that you end up in crisis and end up hurting yourself or someone else. So get help when you can and try to find ways to cope.

 

[W3H5]

Hang in there, @JohnBM01. Sorry to hear of your turn.

I was close to emotional breakdown this morning while readying for work. I was in shock from recent news.
It took me all morning to pull myself together; I left work and took stock.
Much better now that the shock has worn off. Still a bit upset but I’m glad it’s not depression.

 

[wheelhp]

Some people are just prone to these patterns of thinking and being. Lifestyle changes are pretty difficult but would help, in my case it's been real.

 

[JohnBM01]

It is now Fall/Autumn in the Northern Hemisphere. For some people, that means those with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may have to start practicing light therapy. Hopefully you all are doing well. Don't get submerged in depression and/or anxiety if you can. Be sure to get help if you are in crisis.

 

[W3H5]

It is now Fall/Autumn in the Northern Hemisphere. For some people, that means those with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may have to start practicing light therapy. Hopefully you all are doing well. Don't get submerged in depression and/or anxiety if you can. Be sure to get help if you are in crisis.

You all have my ear, either publicly, or private.

I’m just a message away if anyone is in need.

Hopefully I never get that message because that tells me that, all things told, nobody needs my help. Ideally.

However, if a message comes my way then I know somebody needs to be heard. That’s why I’m listening.

I’m well versed in anxiety and depression at this point in life, and will not hesitate to share and help in any way I can.

 

[GTboyz]

After months of trying to letting go and move on, I now come to the realization that I can't let go of the past and it's hurting me big time. No amount of meds and alcohols can bury that.
At the same time, I just can't see any other way than living with this. I'm scared because it really feels like I'm slowly going down on a slippery slope and I can't stop. I don't have thoughts of suicide but I just don't have the will to make my life better.

Talk about feeling like a huge loser. I'm sorry to anyone that feels like I'm invalidating what they experience or feel because I don't think my problem is that big. There's a lot of things in my mind, too much that it feels heavy to talk about it.

I just hope anyone here who is suffering, that they are feeling better or at least on the right path.

 

[evldave333]

After months of trying to letting go and move on, I now come to the realization that I can't let go of the past and it's hurting me big time. No amount of meds and alcohols can bury that.
At the same time, I just can't see any other way than living with this. I'm scared because it really feels like I'm slowly going down on a slippery slope and I can't stop. I don't have thoughts of suicide but I just don't have the will to make my life better.

Talk about feeling like a huge loser. I'm sorry to anyone that feels like I'm invalidating what they experience or feel because I don't think my problem is that big. There's a lot of things in my mind, too much that it feels heavy to talk about it.

I just hope anyone here who is suffering, that they are feeling better or at least on the right path.

Ive tried burying things I can sympathise a lot with what you are saying, there is no delete button for thinking but ive found a volume control for it. I wanted to share how Ive been coping with ASD in the hope that it my be of some benefit to others. My mind can take me to bad places with repeating thought patterns that are triggered by just being around people. There are coping mechanisms that we adopt when our thinking becomes a burden these can be either negative or positive as you have alluded to substances don't help. My old coping mechanisms could cause a negative feedback to develop because I would start doing avoidance tactics or self medicating. Ive embraced what is wrong with me and integrated it I dont feel a stigma anymore which reduces a lot of the burden of self blame. The method Ive been using is fairly straight forward I get out into green spaces, and take myself out of my head completely. It's as easy as standing still in a green space with the sun on your skin doing slow breaths and focussing on on the wind through the trees or bird song. The incessant chatter of the mind eventually subsides, and you end up in an empty head space as you move into an observation rather than processing mode. At first the silence / tranquility can be interupted by the old thought rhythms coming back, dont fight them let them play out and go back to the sounds or sights immediately around you and it will pull you back again. It's incremental but slipping into observational mode and closing down repeating thoughts starts to stick more and more and it becomes like a comfy pair of slippers the more you do it. The longer you spend in the moment in observation mode the more you come to realise you are not in the past anymore, and what is dragging you down is an echo albeit a persistent one. No matter whether you are up or down mood is not fixed and the possibility of what tomorrow can be is not pre-determined by the past. Below is one of my favourite places to get out of my head. Nature is truly restorative many of the plants and trees give out chemicals that reduce blood pressure, stress, and anxiety with every breath you are getting a benefit. At least 15 minutes of sunshine, and slow breathing mindfulness can build up your resilience for a full day. What im discovering is the negativity will always be somewhere in the memory, but the more you practice resilience the less it bothers you. A good nights sleep is also hugely beneficial I only drink coffee in a morning as it doesn't leave the body quickly, its always good for your bio rhythm if you sleep at the same time every day. There's no pressure to change, it just happens so don't expect an epiphany just chip away with a daily routine, and little by little change will happen for you, anything is possible.