Depression and Anxiety Thread

  • Thread starter JohnBM01
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Might as well vent here because I don't really have anyone to actually do it to.

Long story short, I quit my job in the end because of this 🤬. Couldn't cope anymore. If I'd stayed any longer, I honestly feel as though I would've become a danger to either myself or another colleague. That was a month ago and I've only just realised how quickly that's flown by. I haven't made any incremental lifestyle changes, seen or spoken to any of my friends or professionals, just been bored out of my mind and contemplating what a dreadful person I am.

The therapist I was referred to never even picked up the phone when I attempted to book an appointment (keep in mind it's taken since March to get to just this stage), and I tried for twenty minutes pretty much everyday and got nothing. It's easy for people to say 'the help is out there', but it seems like even they don't want anything to do with me. In the end, I gave up. I've received my last pay cheque, which in turn means my national insurance isn't being paid which means I can no longer see the doctor anymore. I'm honestly not in a fit state to work to be honest; I can't concentrate on the slightest of tasks and I get so easily frustrated that I'll just alienate myself on my first day of whatever job I went for. The only way I can get some sort of income is job seeker's allowance, but - despite thinking myself as the worst human being in the world - have too much pride to even consider it for some reason and flat out refuse to do so.

As for my friends, I have had no real contact with them in three months. Unsurprisingly, I don't trust any of them anymore and not a single one of them has even made any attempt to even see if I'm doing okay. Hell, only two of them sent a birthday message to me. It baffling; people make out they care and they have no qualms with dropping texts to each other pretty much daily, but the fact I basically disappear for three months doesn't raise any concerns with literally any of them. I don't want to be anti-social, I want to go out and have fun and have a life. But I can't. It upsets me to the point where I genuinely pondered if they even existed, as utterly ridiculous as it sounds.

The more I think about it, I don't think I have straight up depression, I'm pretty sure it's borderline personality disorder. Obviously self-diagnosis is not ideal, but I can see a lot of the criteria for that in myself. Rash decisions without forethought (i.e. quitting my job was literally decided on the spot the day I handed my notice in), an amplified need to be noticed, getting angry and flustered at minor criticism, constantly playing the victim card, rapid changes between hating and loving myself, constant fear of being abandoned, etc.

There is a lot of overlap between both conditions, so it's hard to tell if some aspects show themselves more strongly than others. So yeah, that's my life right now. Anyone with some advice is of course welcomed.
 
I thought you guys would enjoy this.

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Danoff
I thought you guys would enjoy this.

pal.png
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VBR
That picture remined me of this one.

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Depression is only simple to the ignorant & simple minded. In reality it's anything but.
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You have to take consideration that most if the time depressed people either only talk into specific people they trust or they cant spit out to others. Hence the simplistic response.

Also most "cured" people will forget about the problem, but not "solving" it. Its the reason sometimes it'll lash out again whenever their days go down again.
 
Fact #542: most healthy people cannot relate to depression, not even a tiny bit which is reflected in their suggestions and tips to handle this kind of situation. For some reason it seems to be one of the hardest things to relate too.

Which is a bad thing really because it makes people with depression feel even more isolated, knowing nobody knows how you feel, including your therapist. At least thats how I feel, sometimes I feel like I'm so far away from other people and ''their'' world its like I'm on a different plane of existence entirely - Which is the case, technically - but it feels so much more evident when you are depressed. Maybe depression simply makes people more aware of their complete distanced position.

Maybe depression is the logical result of reaching some state of awareness which is getting rid of the common illusions we comfort ourselves on a daily basis, and the realization that you as a person are indeed very alone. Would that still be an illness, or just the logical result of being more aware of your existence and your place (or the lack of) in this world? In my opinion depression isn't always an illness, sometimes its the logical result and experiencing a different reaction would be a sign of an illness.
 
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For someone who used to have trouble relating to people with depression, at the same way that healthy people don't understand people with depression, people with depression don't understand healthy people.

So when someone tells you "to stop being depressed", don't just ignore them entirely as someone who doesn't understand, try to teach and tell them what they are feeling. Saying "I'm sad" or "I'm depressed" isn't going to give enough context for people who won't understand to help you more than to say "just be happy", give them context on what you are feeling and maybe they'll help you better.

Michael88
Maybe depression is the logical result of reaching some state of awareness which is getting rid of the common illusions we comfort ourselves on a daily basis, and the realization that you as a person are indeed very alone. Would that still be an illness, or just the logical result of being more aware of your existence and your place (or the lack of) in this world? In my opinion depression isn't always an illness, sometimes its the logical result and experiencing a different reaction would be a sign of an illness.
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That isn't really depression though then, depression has something to do with the victims brain that makes it harder or even impossible to experience true joy.
 
Life sucks at times, but it is worth living. Look at the glass half full. I'm not super rich with a hot wife. But I have a job that I look forward to every day. I have a roof over my head, food, clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, a car that starts every day, a safe place to come home to. I mostly have my health (I'm epileptic). It could be way worse. If you want your life to be great you have to go out and make it happen. Negativity and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to make things better.
 
MatskiMonk
I doubt that is the case, but anyway, stop living for other people. What they think doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Live for yourself, do what makes you happy.
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So be it.

I'm here to contribute to people. And if anyone only pile up and look at me at a negative light, then really so be it. Felt like I dug myself deeper.

It's not just one time but accumulation of entire thing for months, basically.
 
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I have been feeling depressed lately. Truthfully I have battled with periods of feeling good, with periods of not so much .

I hurt my back pretty bad in January and I ignored it at first hoping it would get better on its own. Well, turns out I am not the indestructible tank I thought I was. I am looking at the real possibility of back surgery, the last 7 months have went by with me only doing a fraction of my usual activity. I haven't even touched a wrench, or did anything I really love to do besides gaming in as many months.

I just feel broken, ready for the scrap heap so to say. I can walk, not very far and not fast. My whole pelvis is shifted, I walk semi sideways for now.

I got hurt at work, workman's comp really sucks for people not trying to game the system.

Add in my less than stellar record of being happy and it is quite the condundrum...

I am trying to keep my chin up, but it seems I am wearing a lead helmet lately.

Not much else to say really. I am glad I am not totally paralysed, but its a small consolation considering I can't do what I truly love to do right now.
 
stonesfan129
Life sucks at times, but it is worth living. Look at the glass half full. I'm not super rich with a hot wife. But I have a job that I look forward to every day. I have a roof over my head, food, clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, a car that starts every day, a safe place to come home to. I mostly have my health (I'm epileptic). It could be way worse. If you want your life to be great you have to go out and make it happen. Negativity and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to make things better.
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I think what you are describing is the difference between Happy and Sad... unfortunately depression can take hold whichever category you're in. Super rich people with hot wives get depressed too. And people with not much to be thankful for can still manage to see the bright-side and keep going. I agree though, Negativity and self pity only feed a downward spiral.

FrzGT
So be it.

I'm here to contribute to people. And if anyone only pile up and look at me at a negative light, then really so be it. Felt like I dug myself deeper.

It's not just one time but accumulation of entire thing for months, basically.
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You know I'm not going to rag on you for what you say here... but honestly, it seems that you're directing your frustration at the forum whilst you're trying to let off some steam, which is fine, many people do it, myself included. I think I see it in your posts... ... I think you're losing patience with this forum because people aren't acknowledging your feelings - which I think you are looking for in order to enable, or validate, your frustrations - and when that doesn't happen, it just causes more frustration.

If this is the case, and I sincerely apologise if I'm off track, but if this is the case, I can only say again: The world is a massive place... GTP is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001% of it... you cannot rely on it to give you want you want... you gotta go out to the world, and make yourself the person you want to be... being re-incarnated into it won't happen. Set your goal, achieve it. "Knowing is not enough, we must apply... Willing is not enough, we must do"

I don't know if other people here are giving you **** on this forum, I hope not. You're alright, like I say, I'm not trying to get at you, or preach to you, I genuinely just want you to be able to see a better path.

LM7325
I have been feeling depressed lately. Truthfully I have battled with periods of feeling good, with periods of not so much .

I hurt my back pretty bad in January and I ignored it at first hoping it would get better on its own. Well, turns out I am not the indestructible tank I thought I was. I am looking at the real possibility of back surgery, the last 7 months have went by with me only doing a fraction of my usual activity. I haven't even touched a wrench, or did anything I really love to do besides gaming in as many months.

I just feel broken, ready for the scrap heap so to say. I can walk, not very far and not fast. My whole pelvis is shifted, I walk semi sideways for now.

I got hurt at work, workman's comp really sucks for people not trying to game the system.

Add in my less than stellar record of being happy and it is quite the condundrum...

I am trying to keep my chin up, but it seems I am wearing a lead helmet lately.

Not much else to say really. I am glad I am not totally paralysed, but its a small consolation considering I can't do what I truly love to do right now.
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I saw my friend go through something similar, 3 years off work cost him pretty much everything, if his girlfriend hadn't been so lazy, he'd have lost his kids too, which the only thing that kept him going... anyway... I'm rambling now.. but seriously, in situations like yours psychologic rot can set in, it's like a cancer... you've got to to keep going, keep aiming upwards, it's the only way to keep sane.



___


Man, for someone that's found a new level of hatred for society this week, I sure have opinions on other peoples problems! :D :( Think I'm gonna go watch me some Rocky...

... it's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and still keep moving forward...
 
stonesfan129
Life sucks at times, but it is worth living. Look at the glass half full. I'm not super rich with a hot wife. But I have a job that I look forward to every day. I have a roof over my head, food, clothes, a warm bed to sleep in, a car that starts every day, a safe place to come home to. I mostly have my health (I'm epileptic). It could be way worse. If you want your life to be great you have to go out and make it happen. Negativity and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to make things better.
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Not one of the things you mentioned will do anything to counter depression. Add the hot wife and being rich.... still none. Add absolutely any possession or relationship, or fame...... still none. Add the most educated mind, and the most perfect body..... still none. You clearly have not a clue, so I'd suggest putting yourself into learning mode, and stay right away from teaching mode on this.

I'm having a go at you, but maybe even more destructive is the flippant use of the term depression, by people that are just not entirely happy with their lives, and don't actually have depression, but use the word to describe their state. I had a friend say to me "I had the flu", I said " What!! You had influenza!!?", "Oh..... no....... a cold" he replied. The misuse of terms drains them of their gravitas, and unerringly, the amount of credence that is given to the issue at hand. Just as the "cute" re-branding of influenza, and the conflating of it and the common cold serves to make influenza appear less severe and dangerous - confusing sadness, tiredness, boredom, hating your job, etc., etc. for depression, does also.

I concede that it can be a difficult thing to measure. Dose up on enough "pain killers" (good relationships, fun times, actual medication, better job, better tv, better car, whatever) end on end, and a person may appear "cured" - but those things are effectively merely the counterparts to the negative things that I already mentioned that have nothing to do with depression. There's no shame in opting out of fighting the actual illness, and trying to string together enough good experiences to survive to the end of life - but there certainly is shame in suggesting that that blissful ignorance is anything remotely close to an actual cure.
 
Imari
A poster a therapist has on his wall:

therapist_owl_poster.jpg
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Wow thanks :)

But in all honesty, I dont really require a sympathy. But if anyone gives it regardless than I must say, thank you.

My life recently has been, lets just say, complicated. While most are fun times, but when occasionally gets down it suddenly like whole world crashes. I think my biggest problem is that I like comparing myself to other more fortunate people and it is like a drug. At first it'll probably good for challenging your life. Ive even got pressured to attain by many. But in the end its just exhausting and often come out really wrong.

Safe to say, growing up isnt just living by yourself, getting a job, do well in Uni, get good relationship, or anything like that. But most importantly how to put up with other people "rubbish". I'm feel better now and hope its not go down on drain again.

One more thing is that if you still depressed for your pet dying, I hope you feel better.

@MatskiMonk Thanks :)
 
I went and test drove a 2004 GTO LS1 6speed. I enjoyed the car, it needs at lot of little things, overall it is not in bad shape though. I am considering buying it actually, even though I think the price is a little steep considering it's conditions.

This will be two cars I have bought since getting hurt just on a whim. At least this one runs... The other one is a 1993 Mustang roller, 5 lug converted, 4.10 8.8 with a detroit locker diff in it. I also bought a 2002 5.3 Silverado engine to swap in, 5 months later and that's as far as I have got. I guess I will try to sell the Mustang now...

Retail therapy? Or am I just blindly buying stuff... Normally I don't do stuff on just a whim.

EDIT: I was having a rough morning, So far nobody at work thinks the GTO is a bad idea, maybe I am just paranoid because I have history...
 
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I always end up coming back to this thread one way or another, I just have no one else to vent on it seems, not like it matters anyways

Anyways yeah I been trying to ignore the world nowadays, I just isolate myself in my room and play video games or watch anime or go on YouTube and that's pretty much all I do now. I never felt so alone in my life to be honest but I guess I blame myself for that. The last time I been outside was months ago but of course other human beings think it's a big deal and thinking I am doing danger to myself and whatnot.

My birthday passed and it was just another existing year gone, I don't feel any difference, I am the same as I was before but yet they still complain. Ever since I was a kid , I would do ****** things and such, but I was a quiet one. My outside appearance was just a quiet little kid who didn't do anything wrong and just followed whoever. Inside my mind back then... It was filled with energy, but I had so many thoughts and ideas that I couldn't handle it.

I don't remember having any friends, all I can remember is this sadness and nervousness growing more and more as I aged, my thoughts were always silenced whenever I tried to talk and I would be intimidated for my weak nature. All the people I have ever meet and known, they influenced me a lot as one of the weaknesses of being the quiet one was observing everything. Sometimes some ******* would put blame to me even though I was never apart of it. I was weak back then and I still am now, only difference is I gave up while the younger kept going. Honestly I contradict myself a lot, saying one thing but wanting another but the reason I do that is because I know they will never be equal so I don't bother doing anything.

Nowadays, I just want to left alone even though I have this agonizing pain of not wanting to be alone, I been through so much **** that there's a point where you break and my limits been cracked and broken for a long time now. I always tried to be better than others but I never was able to catch up. I admit that the outside world and the people I met are better than me but having to deal with it over and over just makes me more angry...

The fear-monging thoughts of being taken away to the mental ward again or even worse scares the **** out of me but my mind welcomes it even though my fears grows. Maybe that's been my fate all this time, I lose in the endgame and If I get taken away then that's that. My existing just fades away and I will be alone forever and die that way, maybe that's the only way I will be "happy" and it's not like I will be remembered cause I won't be, after all, I wasn't much of a person to begin with.
 
I guess this is the only place I can vent properly as well.

I'm sitting right now in a drag slick in the shop, waiting for them to change the injectors on my new car. Yeah, didn't I tell you? I parted the Mazda, my first love: I'm heartbroken. But that money, I thought was for a better project, for a new start. I was planning on a mega update for the thread but buess what. I bought the fastest Suzuki Swift in the country, an 11.8 seconds drag car with the promise from the seller and my mechanic that it won't :censored:ing bother as much as the Mazda...and well, if there is indeed a God with an anthropomorphic mind as some believe I bet he's having a laugh. My feeling of tranquility and satisfaction lasted for...three days or so. Then, a dead battery. And a lug nut went missing. Today we were gonna swap the mahoosive 880cc/min injectors for smaller ones since I'm driving the car at less than half the boost the prev. owner was and limited to 6k RPM instead of 8.5k...and the injectors he gave me were low impedance so back to the 880s...but now the guys can't put them back on properly and started to hack stuff away. I'm well aware none of these are catastrophic failures but I'm feeling this is going to be the first of a looong series of ****** issues, something I wanted to avoid by spending close to US$7K on a car. Moreso, it's a car everybody in the local scene knows and I don't wanna go down as the guy who ruined it, both because of sentimental and economical reasons.

First world problems, I know, but they're mine. A car is all I got right now besides my mother, I have no true friends and the pain of how my last relationship still lingers...the way she just dumped me willy nilly as if I was disposable, after years of commitment and the utmost care. I've even broken into tears in buses...I stopped writting, I stopped doing a lot of things I enjoyed, I just feel no motivation and, for all I care, I'd be absolutely fine if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning. I'm still planning on end it all by the end of the year if I don't manage to get hold of a car that doesn't 🤬 up my life and a girl to share stuff with. Worst thing is, my psychiatrist knows about all o f this and in his opinion I'm not depressed in the sense I don't have a distorted view of reality...great, I'm not sick and I'm far from insane, what now? The world still feels like an awfully hostile place, life still seems not worthy of the effort that takes to live it. No matter what I try, all roads seem to lead to failure for reasons outside of my reach and my only solution so far is just ending it all. I just don't have the means and some incredibly naïve part of me, one at my very core, insists I should take some time before going all in. I really don't know what to feel.

BTW: People on suicide forums are really boring! :lol:
 
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So I successfully finished my apprenticeship on the 30th of July, in a workshop specially for people with mental problems, away from home. So getting back home, without work and losing all the friends I got in the 4 years I was there obviously took a huge, negative effect on my depression. So far I just wasn't able to apply for a new job. I also don't have a driver licence which is really bad, since all the workshops want people with a driver licence. I also would need a driver licence to even get to one of the workshops. Last week I went to a workshop to apply there and just getting there took like 90 minutes with trains and busses and 20€ for tickets. As someone with social anxiety this really was tough to do. Right from the beginning I could see that he really wasn't interessted in hiring me, but still offered me to work there as a test for 3 days, which I declinced. One reason being the long, public travel I had to do twice a day. And one reason being that I got trained in something different than they did. I actually only applied there, because the employment agency forced me to do it. So today I got a letter from the employment agency where they told me that they consider to stop paying me my unemployment benefits, even thought I haven't even gotten the money for August. This letter really made me feel much worse. I wanted to make my driver licence (car and motorcycle), but due to my depressions I'm still not able to start. And if they now decide to stop my unemployment benefits I can't pay for my motorcycle licence, which just discourages me even more to go there in the first place. I feel like everything is just going downhill more and more with each day.

(I hope it's kind of understandable what I tried to say. I actually had to use a dictionary for quite some words so I'm not sure if this text makes sense or not)
 
Michael88
Fact #542: most healthy people cannot relate to depression, not even a tiny bit which is reflected in their suggestions and tips to handle this kind of situation. For some reason it seems to be one of the hardest things to relate too.

Which is a bad thing really because it makes people with depression feel even more isolated, knowing nobody knows how you feel, including your therapist. At least thats how I feel, sometimes I feel like I'm so far away from other people and ''their'' world its like I'm on a different plane of existence entirely - Which is the case, technically - but it feels so much more evident when you are depressed. Maybe depression simply makes people more aware of their complete distanced position.

Maybe depression is the logical result of reaching some state of awareness which is getting rid of the common illusions we comfort ourselves on a daily basis, and the realization that you as a person are indeed very alone. Would that still be an illness, or just the logical result of being more aware of your existence and your place (or the lack of) in this world? In my opinion depression isn't always an illness, sometimes its the logical result and experiencing a different reaction would be a sign of an illness.
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I can see. It really sucked though since it carried a bad message that if you actually on a situation where you can be down, people basically wont care much. Whenever its a good thing or not its up to you.

Generally speaking its easier and enjoyable to laugh at someone misfortunes because those misfortunes are not on them. Period. For most people atleast.
 
Depression is also a signal from your body telling you to take it easy, to slow down, to take a step back, to preserve energy etc ... .
 
kikie
Depression is also a signal from your body telling you to take it easy, to slow down, to take a step back, to preserve energy etc ... .
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Not at all. Depression is a mental illness; a misworking of regular chemical products within the brain. There is nothing physical about depression other than the related causes to physical unhealthiness caused by the condition itself.

I've been in perfect health before succumbing to a depressive period. It really is completely, literally, all in our heads.
 
I'm curious to know if anyone that suffers from depression has ever looked at their diet and made changes in their diet to help combat the illness. I'm a big believer that proper diet and exercise helps almost everything and that a bad diet and/or lack of exercise can actually cause or exacerbate many common illnesses and afflictions.
 

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