- 2,604
- Banbaria.
- GTP_Venari
And so, the ninth incarnation of the United Kingdom Gran Turismo Party came to pass, and lo, it was good.
And Nono drivers, if some of this sounds decidedly unfamiliar, well... never let the facts get in the way of a good story.
'The Nono' - UKGTP9
Saturday
Venari arrived having vastly overestimated the time required to get to the venue, however, this was fortuitous as our host landlord David hadn't realised we were turning up quite so early. Some swift negotiation with the reinemachefrau meant the room would be up and ready for 9.40am. Just before this, the UKGTP crew entirely blocked the carpark in perfect formation and the event started in earnest with some rapid reversing and autotest-like parking manoeuvers before unloading the cars.
Moments later, the kit was being assembled equally rapidly, and soon we had our (almost) full complement of: Car-Less, daan, Exelero, Famine, HoldenHSV, Roo, Specialized, SureShot, TheCracker and Venari. Milford Cubicle was also gracing us with her extremely helpful presence, being organisational and providing behind-the-scenes order to things while Famine and I fluffed and wittered on.
Which reminds me... Stevisiov, are you alright, fella?
Action shot!
Finito.
As I recall, we were pretty much up and running by 11am, and ten (um, nine-and-a-half?) racers were ready to race after a drivers' briefing that was comedic only because of the lack of preparation and deadpan/confused delivery by yours truly - and the stipulation that there should be no swearing because this was a 'family pub'.
So, onto the racing. As is traditional, the event starts with a handicap race:
Event 1: The Classics Handicap
A nice scary start to the event: oldtimers provide slidy antics from the off, especially when the start car is the torquey Jensen Interceptor, and the tyres are not super stickies... sports mediums on all cars in the Classics Handicap. Top two drivers from each LAN would graduate to the next car (in this case, the BMW 2002 Turbo) and swap LANs.
Following the BMW, drivers graduate to the '73 Skyline 2000GT-R, then the Alfa Duetto, then the stalwart Triumph Spitfire and finally the 'very slow' Autobianchi A112.
One thing we found at the Dutcho was that car colour choice could be important for replays, so to get into the swing of that, I made sure everyone declared their colours at the beginning of the race... which of course soon degenerated into the gutter with some of the colour descriptions...
Race 1: Seoul - All Jensen Interceptor lineup.
Venari changed Famine's randomised running order at the last minute. The tracklist was to begin with Suzuka West (and Famine was looking forward to everyone barrelling up to the first corner at 110mph... and ploughing straight on into the temporary bales and gravel trap.) Of course, this cunning plan was put to bed by the selection of Seoul as the first track. Instead, everyone barrelled up to the first corner at 110mph, and then ploughed straight on into the Armco.
First corner dispatched with lots of amusing swearwords (
) the racing truly began.
LAN 1
1st Car-Less - Tangerine
2nd Famine - Royal Blue
3rd Roo - Black
4th HoldenHSV - White
5th daan - Yellow
LAN 2
1st SureShot - Mustard
2nd Specialized - Fawn Metallic
3rd TheCracker - Green
4th Venari - Red
(Where did Exelero go?)
Venari and daan getting off to shaky starts in the grip-free lunacy that was Jensens at Seoul. There was plenty of bouncing around and everyone was nosing the big coupe very carefully into the 'dumb-bell' and very gingerly easing it out. Except perhaps for Venari. Hard battles all around otherwise, which set the tone for what was to become a hard-charging event all around.
So, Car-Less, Famine, SureShot and Spec move onto the Bimmer.
Race 2: SSR5
And so, the darkened Japanese streets welcome the classics, with new German blood added into the mix.
LAN 1
1st Roo - Black Jensen
2nd daan - Yellow Jensen
3rd SureShot - White BMW
4th Spec - Green BMW
5th HoldenHSV - White Jensen
LAN 2
1st Venari - Red Jensen
2nd TheCracker - Green Jensen
3rd Famine - White BMW
4th Car-Less - Black BMW
The BMW proved no match for the big British bruiser on the straights, and only an unlucky (and very tired) HoldenHSV kissed the armco more than once to nurse the Jensen home after the BMWs. Meanwhile, Roo, daan, Venari and TheCracker powerslid and flicked their way to the Turbo.
Race 3: New York
Holden perked up immediately when he realised his White charger was going to have a good chance on the long straights of New York. With everyone else in the BMW, there was going to be some close draughting battles on the way too. Exelero finally found the keys to her Fawn metallic Jensen also and took a seat in the East Coast sunlight.
LAN 1
1st HoldenHSV - White Jensen
2nd SureShot - White BMW
3rd Speciaized - Silver BMW
4th Venari - Black BMW
5th TheCracker - Green BMW
LAN 2
1st Famine - White BMW
2nd Car-Less - Silver BMW
3rd Roo - Black BMW
4th daan - Green BMW
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
Well, white was the colour to have in NY. Holden made the Jensen a speck in the distance while the BMWs battled hard for tighter lines and nailing the draught-pass-and-brake maneouevers. HoldenHSV had that fun to come, graduating to the BMW while SureShot, Famine and Car-Less looked forward to some Japanese steel.
Race 4: Infineon/Sears Point Sport
Venari rubbed his hands and grinned wolfishly at the track selection, and took to the wheel of the "don't want that one" green BMW with relish...
LAN 1
1st Venari - Green BMW
2nd Specialized - Black BMW
3rd Car-Less - Red Skyline
4th Famine - White Skyline
5th TheCracker - Silver BMW
LAN 2
1st Roo - Black BMW
2nd daan - Green BMW
3rd SureShot - Red Skyline
4th HoldenHSV - White BMW
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
... and on one of his form tracks, Venari positively hurled the BMW up the hill FTW. The Skylines proved to be fine cars, but lacking the power of the BMW, and only some hard battling between two on-form drivers scuppered TheCracker's drive.
LAN 2 proved to be a closer race, but daan and Roo brought the BMWs home for promotion, with Holden and Exelero fending off fatigue and children respectively for their undeserved fourth and fifth.
Race 5: High-Speed Ring Normal
With the draughtfest that is the HSR, anything could happen. A moment's lapse and you're outta there...
LAN 1
1st Car-less - Red Skyline
2nd TheCracker - White BMW
3rd daan - Silver Skyline
4th Famine - White Skyline
5th Roo - White Skyline
LAN 2
1st Venari - Silver Skyline
2nd Sureshot - Red Skyline
3rd HoldenHSV - White BMW
4th Specialized - White Skyline
A draught- and drift-fest, where TheCracker tames the BMW while chasing hard the red Skyline of Car-less, and daan getting the better of the white Skylines of Roo and Famine.
Meanwhile, Venari equally squeaks ahead of Sureshot in a hardfought draught scrap which Holden and Spec just couldn't quite hang onto. That battle denied Holden promotion to the Japanese coupe.
Race 6: La Sarthe II - 4 laps.
And the groans and cheers echoed in equal measure as those recently handed the Alfa cursed and the Skyline and BMW drivers engaged 'Smug Mode' for Le Mans. However, Exelero was nowhere to be seen... Jensen stuck in French truck-drivers' strike?
LAN 1
1st Famine - Silver Skyline
2nd daan - Red Skyline
3rd Roo - White Skyline
4th Venari - Green Alfa
5th Sureshot - Celeste (slightly effeminate) blue Alfa
LAN 2
1st HoldenHSV - White BMW
2nd Spec - White Skyline
3rd TheCracker - Red Skyline
4th Car-less - Red Alfa
The Alfa proved nimble enough to hang on to the big Skyline as far as the start of the Mulsanne, and then the cackling retro-ricers took off into the middle distance with a lunatic drag-race down the infamous straight. Venari and Sureshot, however, decided to team up and bump0-draught some extra speed out of the pair of Alfas, which did work, but at 120+mph, it wasn't enough to catch the 140+mph Skylines. All three Skylines stuck together for similar mad draughting shennanigans on the next three laps, while Venari squeaked out a lead just large enough to break the draught from an unlucky Sureshot.
Holden's BMW proved the power of turbocharging wins out over the high-spinning Skylines, but the draughting still made the first part of the lap anyones until the superior acceleration and grip of the BMW won out. Car-less's lonely drive at the back led to an almost inevitable fourth.
So, a nice short track, please?
Race 7: Nurburgring 2-lapper (!)
Incredulous laughter greeted the next race, followed by a 2-lap agreement ('coz' we woz' all gettin' hungry) and the Skylines and Jensen were probably going to prolong the Alfa drivers' pain (and pleasure - because it was a peach to drive, really.)
LAN 1
1st Roo - White Skyline
2nd HoldenHSV - White Skyline
3rd Venari - Red Alfa
4th SureShot - Celeste Alfa
5th Spec - Green Alfa
LAN 2
1st TheCracker - Red Skyline
2nd daan - Black Alfa
3rd Car-less - Green Alfa
4th Famine - Not so effeminate blue Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
The Skyline did indeed prove to be the car to have, as they zipped off into the distance to gain their Alfa keys. With Roo squeaking a fair lead on Holden and TheCracker simply disappearing up the hills, the Alfas were left to battle for places. Both races were fairly hard-fought, but daan and Venari won out when the line was crossed, with daan's second place earning him the first drive of the Spitfire.
Race 8: Laguna Seca
Much ribbing of daan's new steed ensued ('will it get up the hill?') and the typically cool smiling Scot made it difficult for us to tell if he was worried. Meanwhile Venari finally just about figured out that if Holden's choosing a colour, it's likely to be white.
LAN 1
1st Venari - Celeste Alfa
2nd Sureshot - Red Alfa
3rd Specialized - Green Alfa
4th TheCracker - Beige Alfa
5th daan - Mimosa Spitfire (ooooh, get you - 'Mimohhhhhsa'.)
LAN 2
1st Famine - Celeste Alfa
2nd Roo - Black Alfa
3rd Car-less - Red Alfa
4th HoldenHSv - White Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
Some rather boisterous Alfa racing happened in sun-drenched California, with nary a virtual panel left unscathed. Slip-sliding the Alfa through the Corkscrew (and sometimes over lots and lots of grass) quickest was Venari, while Famine did the same, only tidier. Tough battles all around, with the braking markers taking an early bath as some sneaky tactical racing reared its head too. The race to the victory was on... bring on the Spitfires!
No big hills this time, eh?
Race 9: Cote d'Azur.
More groans, pretty much from everyone this time. The punishing climb from Sainte Devote through Beau Rivage to crest at Massenet would not help the Spits.
LAN 1
1st Specialized - Green Alfa
2nd TheCracker - Black Alfa
3rd daan - Mimosa Spitfire
4th Famine - Maple (Indigo) Spitfire
5th Roo - BRG Spitfire
LAN 2
1st Car-less - Black Alfa
2nd Venari - Maple Spitfire
3rd Sureshot - BRG Spitfire
4th HoldenHSV - White Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
The Spitfires proved no match for the Alfas on LAN 1, but daan's smooth style and one race practice with the asthmatic long-stroke 1500 put him ahead of the pack for third, with typically Monagasque racing threatening the Spitfires' chrome all race.
On LAN 2, after a rather unfortunate start for Exelero and the Alfas moved off up the hill, Venari made an early pass stick on Sureshot and the race was on. Trying to ignore the big green sharknose in the mirrors, Venari began to reel in the white Alfa, its Scottish driver now feeling proper fatigue from his very early morning start. Finally succumbing to consistent harrassment, Holden dabbed the brake a little too hard into Casino hairpin and Venari and Sureshot jinked right to pass the beached Alfa around the outside. Venari piled on some pace through the exit of Piscine, Rascasse and a good line through Antony Noghes to hold a clear second and claimed first drive of the Autobianchi.
Race 10: El Capitan Normal
"No fear, the Autobianchi is a slug, you've not got a hope..."
LAN 1
1st Famine - Maple (Indigo) Spitfire
2nd Car-less - French Blue Spitfire
3rd Venari - Lancia Blue Autobianchi
4th Roo - BRG Spitfire
5th daan - Mimosa Spitfire
LAN 2
1st HoldenHSV - White Alfa
2nd Sureshot - BRG Spitfire
3rd TheCracker - Carmine Spitfire
4th Spec - Delfi Blue Spitfire
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
LAN 1 gawped as the little Autobianchi proved extremely sprightly off the line and took second from fourth on the grid, followed soon by a pass on Car-less to take the lead. Fast to warm the tyres, the little hatch's rear end must have been like a red rag to the bulls of Car-less and Famine's Spitfires. Places swapped furiously over the next three laps before Venari lost the plot (and the front end) more than once and fell back, to concentrate on racing to the finish. Crisis averted, Famine hurled the Spit consistently up the hill towards the tunnel in spectacularly fast style to open a lead he was not to relinquish.
Holden made good on the Alfa's power and won his Sptifire drive, while Sureshot stayed ahead of TheCracker and Spec to get into the hatchback too.
Race 11: Hong Kong
Yuk, walls.
LAN 1
1st Sureshot - Beige Autobianchi
2nd daan - Mimosa Spitfire
3rd Venari - Lancia Blue Autobianchi
4th HoldenHSV - White Spitfire
5th Roo - BRG Sptifire
LAN 2
1st Car-less - Beige Autobianchi
2nd Spec - Delfi Blue Spitfire
3rd Famine - Met Pale Blue Autobianchi
4th TheCracker - White Spitfire
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
With Venari liking the track as much as Exelero likes the Jensen, the speed of the Autobianchi off the line didn't help him, as Sureshot pulled from third to first in quick order, with Venari not managing to stay past daan's Spitfire for long from fourth on the grid. Sureshot stayed on top, while Holden held off Roo for fourth.
Car-less equally enjoyed the hatch more than Famine on LAN 2, with Spec separating them in second, and TheCracker leading the Jensen home.
But... with two Autobianchi winners, that means...
RACE-OFF!
Peugeot 106S16 at Special Stage Route 5
1st Car-less - White
2nd Sureshot - Red
Car-less fast start and smooth style got him an early lead and Sureshot was hard-pushed to keep pace. A deserved win for the 'Devon Ninja'.
Winner: Car-less!
===
Lunch
Never fall asleep at a UKGTP...===
Event Two: The DTM Pick'n'Mix
Refreshed from our bacon and chip butties, we descend from the Colonial Marine dropship of lunch ("Somebody wake up Holden...") into the LV426 that is the the first of the weekend's pick'n'mixes. Six cars, six rounds, and you don't know the tracks until they appear on the bigscreen like the alien spawn busting from John Hurt's gut.
This time, it's the Deutsche Tourenwagen Meisterschaft cars, from the beautifully balanced Mercedes 190E through the revvy Alfa 155, Audi A4 and Opel Astra to the thunderous Audi TT and Mercedes CLK.
It is F1 stylee scoring, with 10pts for first 6 for second, 4 for third, 3 for fourth and 2 for fifth, our last place.
Round one turns out to be a proper baptism of fire too...
Round 1: Suzuka
Hmm. Speed for the long haul around 130R, or finesse for the technical curves on the Honda circuit?
LAN 1
1st Car-less, TT
2nd daa, CLK
3rd Famine, Alfa
4th HoldenHSV, A4
5th Exelero, 190E
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, CLK
2nd Roo, A4
3rd TheCracker, Astra
4th Venari, A4 (eh?)
5th Specialized, TT
Suzuka proves to reward power, with the TT and CLK being generally form cars, although a good result for Roo in the A4. Venari is not entirely surprised when the TT he thought he had turns out to be an A4. I mean, how could you miss that? Mind you, Spec didn't have a fun time in his TT either, so the mood for the event is set.
UKGTP: Serious business.
Round 2: Trial Mountain
Venari picks out the TT, joined by Exelero, while daan and TheCracker select the Alfa. Little do we know, the A4 is the car to have...
LAN 1
1st Famine, A4
2nd Roo, Astra
3rd Car-less, 190E
4th daan, Alfa
5th TheCracker, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, A4
2nd Venari, TT
3rd HoldenHSv, Astra
4th Specialized, CLK
5th Exelero, TT
Famine and Car-less' smooth button-bashery puts them in good positions, Famine FTW with the A4, and the 190E of Car-less being a good result bracketing Roo's Astra.
Venari has blistering pace and stunning inconsistency in one package, handing the race to Sureshot's A4, with Holden's Astra holding off Spec's brutal CLK.
Scores after two rounds:
Sureshot, 20
Car-less, 14
Famine, 14
Roo, 12
daan, 9
Venari, 9
HoldenHSv, 7
TheCracker, 6
Specialized, 5
Exelero, 4
Round 3: Tsukuba
The pint sized track makes for fast and furious racing. Something that sticks in low speed corners? Or try to get downforce for that evil right-hander?
LAN 1
1st Venari, Astra
2nd daan, Astra
3rd Specialized, Alfa
4th Famine, 190E
5th Exelero, Astra
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, TT
2nd HoldenHSV, TT
3rd TheCracker, CLK
4th Roo, 190E
5th Car-less, Alfa
On another of his form tracks, Venari pulls up from last on the grid with (finally) a smooth-driving combination of slow-in-fast-out at the bottom hairpin onto the straight and bold dives down the inside at the end of the straight after a short draught. daan hangs on for second and Spec delivers in the Alfa ahead of one of Famine's least favourite tracks in the slow but wide 190E in front of a valiant effort from Exelero.
All are certainly glad they didn't line up against the TTs of Sureshot and Holden, who barrelled their way to a one-two, with TheCracker's CLK not far behind. Roo puts up a good battle against the Alfa of Car-less who may be beginning to feel the pressure!
Standings:
Sureshot, 30
Venari, 19
Famine, 17
Car-less, 16
Roo, 15
daan, 15
HoldenHSV, 13
TheCracker, 10
Specialized, 9
Exelero, 6
Round 4: Deep Forest
Bold moves required in the camber-tastic forest. Balance or power?
LAN 1
1st Sureshot, Astra
2nd Specialized, Astra
3rd Car-less, A4
4th TheCracker, 190E
5th Roo, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Famine, CLK
2nd Venari, CLK
3rd HoldenHSV, CLK
4th daan, 190E
5th Exelero, 190E
Not to be outdone by Venari, Sureshot muscles the Astra up from last on the forest track, only Spec proving to be an obstacle in his way and a tough battle ensued which Sureshot ultimately won to maintain his clean sweep. Car-less and his A4 waited fruitlessly to pick up the pieces from third, and TheCracker creditably brought the 190E in ahead of Roo's Alfa.
LAN 2 was a similarly hard fought CLK war, with Venari again chasing from the back of the pack, while Famine's fourth on the grid and rapid assumption of the lead meant that Venari was scrabbling for grip in his wake for the next seven laps. Holden kept it on the black stuff for third, with the outgunned 190Es of daan and Exelero rounding out the field.
Standings after Round 4:
Sureshot, 40
Famine, 27
Venari, 25
Car-less, 20
daan, 18
Roo, 17
HoldenHSV, 17
Specialized, 15
TheCracker, 13
Exelero, 8
Round 5: Fuji 2005GT
Everyone with a powerhouse left gave a silent cheer for the circuit with the long-straight... as long as you can keep the car in line and tidy... or does one just go mental and use those huge (and slippery) runoff areas?
LAN 1
1st daan, A4
2nd Venari, Alfa
3rd Sureshot, Alfa
4th Specialized, 190E
5th HoldenHSV, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Famine, TT
2nd Roo, TT - +0.001second!
3rd Car-Less, Astra
4th TheCracker, TT
5th Exelero, Alfa
He had to crack eventually... On LAN one it was an easy race for daan in the A4. In post-race interview he admitted it was the class car of the field, but needless to say, the Scot bided his time and waited for the first full length of the straight to sail past everyone to a lead to the finish, Behind him, a hard fought battle raged yet again, but Venari quickly realised that the key to a good lap was keeping a good line at the first corner. Time after time cars screeched past on the inside, and time after time Venari held the smoother line and held ahis place. Passed by draughting by (I think) Sureshot and HoldenHSV later in the race, both competitors launched themselves heavily into the kitty litter and Venari broke away in the Alfa to take second.
LAN 2 was a royal scrap between the TTs of Famine and Roo, with hard but fair racing seeing many lead changes, right up until the last corner, where Roo got the drive out of the last corner and held a good draught... but it just wasn't quite enough by thje smallest possible margin! A one-thousandth of a second win for Famine - arrrrgggg!!! Car-Less brought the Astra home ahead of TheCracker's TT and Exelero's Alfa.
Standings before the final race:
Sureshot, 44
Famine, 37
Venari, 31
daan, 28
Car-less, 24
Roo, 23
HoldenHSV, 19
Specialized, 18
TheCracker, 16
Exelero, 10
Sureshot doesn't seem so sure of a shot at champion, Famine's drought of points seems over as he rides into the last round with the perky Astra, but he has to win and Sureshot has to come last for him to be champion, 4th to draw for the race-off. Venari's podium is being hunted relentlessly by daan, Roo and Car-less - Venari's 190E will be hard to keep ahead of daan's TT, that was for sure.
So, it's the bottom of the fifth, and the scores are tight... it's time for the big one:
Race 6: Grand Valley East Reverse
LAN 1
1st Famine, Astra
2nd Car-Less. CLK
3rd Sureshot, 190E
4th HoldenHSV, 190E
5th Roo, CLK
LAN 2
1st daan, TT
2nd Specialized, A4
3rd TheCracker, A4
4th Exelero, CLK
5th Venari, 190E
Upsets small and large in the final round. Famine clears Car-Less' CLK to win, but Surehot grabs third, a good result for the 190E and an uncharacteristic last for Roo (retired?) This is enough to secure Sureshot's victory and Famine a second place... but what of third?
Much the same on LAN 2, Spec took an early lead with daan giving chase, while Venari found good speed through the mid-section. The hard battle between Exelero and TheCracker to regain position leads to Venari's 190E suffering a 'racing incident' at the final hairpin, collecting a lot of gravel and possibly some damage(?!) Rejoining last, it was obvious something was severely wrong with the Mercedes as it understeered off the circuit into the cones after the straight. Venari retired early, and went to sulk in the pits. In front, Spec and daan trade places, then trade places again in an epic Audi DTM fight; but on lap six, Spec just misjudges the final hairpin in the A4 leaving the slightest of gaps. Ever the opportunist, daan hurled the TT through to retain the lead to the flag.
Winner: Sureshot!
Event Three: The Group B Pick'n'Mix
The Group B races were dragged back kicking and screaming from UKGTPV: Ford RS200, Nissan 240RS, Renault 5 Maxi Turbo, Peugeot 205 turbo 16, Lancia Delta Integrale Evo, and the ubiquitous 1981 'urquattro'.
With exactly the same line up and (by design) at least one of the same tracks, it was already known that this was going to be fun racing. Dig out that instrumental copy of 'Duel' by Propaganda - we're going rallying!
Race 1: Laguna Seca
LAN 1
1st Famine, 240RS
2nd Car-Less, 205
3rd daan, 205
4th HoldenHSV, quattro
5th Exelero, 240RS
LAN 2
1st venari, 240RS
2nd Roo, 240RS
3rd TheCracker, 240RS
4th Specialized, 240RS
5th Sureshot, Delta
Famine and Venari drift the sweet Nissan to victories on theier respective LANs. Venari led from pole, and resisted showboating the Nissan, instead showing a clean set of 'flaps to Roo, holding in line in second.
Famine's result was a harder victory to win from fourth on the grid. daan spent the race chasing but not catching Car-Less, with the occasional visit to the scenery: "It is a rally car, after all..."
Back in LAN 2, Sureshot suffered in the Delta; maybe the winners' Champagne went to his head?
Race 2: HSR (Huzzah!)
The return of one of the most fun races from UKGTPV, especially inserted (ooer) for this event. However, prior experience (or cold logic) led to some tactical choices for this race...
LAN 1
1st daan, RS200
2nd Roo, RS200
3rd TheCracker, RS200
4th Car-less, Delta
5th Famine, quattro
LAN 2
1st Venari, Red RS200
2nd HoldenHSV, White RS200
3rd Sureshot, 240RS
4th Exelero, R5
5th Specialized, 205
... except for Famine and Exelero, who both wondered 'what if?' Famine's post-race comment was something along the lines of: "It was crap." However, Exelero's choice (greeted by sharp intakes of breath from those who thought they knew better) was rewarded with a fourth place after Sureshot's top-gear-limited 240RS.
For everyone else, however, this was a draughting expedition, the RS200s invariably being caught in-line-astern, and with bold passing moves into turn one. daan was victorious on LAN 1, in a battle any of the top three could have won. LAN 2 was a close match between Holden and Venari. venari was quick through the last bend, but Holden would seem to draught and pass. But, tactics came into play, and continual pressure in the esses and a tiny error from Holden let Venari close up but deliberately not pass until the last bend with a bold yet calculated pass on the outside, carrying greater exit speed to the line for the win.
Points after race 2:
Venari, 20
daan, 14
Famine, 12
Roo, 12
Car-Less, 9
HoldenHSV, 9
TheCracker, 8
Sureshot, 6
Exelero, 5
Specialized, 5
Race 3: Autumn Ring Reverse
The twisty, drifty A-Ring meant that drivers were thinking of handling this time... but anyone not having chosen the RS200 already would have a definate chance in the Ford rocket.
LAN 1
1st Venari, Red R5
2nd Famine, Blue R5
3rd daan, Red R5
4th Exelero, 205
5th Specialized, quattro
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, RS200
2nd Car-Less, R5
3rd HoldenHSV, 240RS
4th Roo, quattro
5th TheCracker, quattro
Finding surprising grip off the line, Venari pulls right up to Famine's bumper by turn three, and the race is on. daan pulled into third and watched for car-nage, while Exelero pushed the 205 up to fourth, Spec not quite managing to make the Gobi-coloued quattro behave off the line. What followed was a furious chase, with the red R5 of Venari looming large in Famine's mirrors for a long time... but eventually wearing the race organiser down to make the pass (I think, down the inside in the hairpin?) and hold him off for first.
Sureshot made the RS200 stick for his first victory of the series, Car-Less and Holden manoeuvering for their second and third ahead of the the fired-up quattros of Roo and TheCracker.
Standings after race 3:
Venari, 30
daan, 18
Famine, 18
Sureshot, 16
Roo, 15
Car-Less, 15
HoldenHSV, 13
TheCracker, 10
Exelero, 8
Specialized, 7
At the half-way point, Venari looks as dominant as Sureshot before him, and Sureshot himself with a win putting him right back in contention; the podium places are going to be hard fought!
Race 4: El Capitan Reverse
LAN 1
1st Car-Less, 240RS
2nd Specialized, RS200
3rd TheCracker, 205
4th Sureshot, R5
5th Roo, R5
LAN 2
1st Famine, Delta
2nd Venari, Delta
3rd daan, Delta
4th HoldenHSV, 205
5th Exelero, RS200
Car-less takes victory from P4 on the grid in the Nissan, passing TheCracker and Specialized on the way, Spec holding on for second in the RS200 (that must have been quite a fight - comments?) Sureshot and Roo find the R5 a tricky handful over the bumps and twists of El Cap.
Certainly, Venari also found the Delta a handful to begin with, with a scrabble through the pack taking longer than expected. Famine pushed his Delta steadily to the lead, and while Venari caught him for a little while, he ran out of talent at the second-gear double-left more than once, slowing his progress. daan waited to pick up the pieces once again, this time with no luck, but managing instead to keep the peppy 205 of Holden at bay. Exelero didn't quite get the hang of the RS200 at the tricky track, and rolled in - still smiling, however.
After 4 races:
Venari, 36
Famine, 28
Car-Less, 25
daan, 22
Sureshot, 19
Roo, 17
HoldenHSV, 16
TheCracker, 14
Specialized, 13
Exelero, 10
Race 5: Infineon (Sears Point) Sportscar
With two cars to go, it's gamble time... will each driver like the last track? Better to pick a good car now, or wait?
Spec, Holden, and TheCracker choose the featherweight R5 for the hilly racetrack - leaving them all with the Delta for the last race. Famine and Car-less roll out the big gun RS200s, leaving them with 205 and quattro respectively. daan decides to save his 240RS and Venari, similarly figures that the quattro would match his liking of the Califonian circuit, and a 205 in the pocket is a good thing... while Sureshot gets his out (ooer) and the race is on...
LAN 1
1st Specialized, R5
2nd Venari, quattro
3rd daan, quattro
4th Sureshot, 205
5th HoldenHSV, R5
LAN 2
1st Famine, RS200
2nd Car-Less, RS200
3rd Roo, Delta
4th TheCracker, R5
5th Exelero, Delta
On LAN 1, Spec screams the R5 away from pole, while a quietly determined Venari inches up from the back of the grid right into the middle of the pack in short order. Sureshot's 205 proves a tricky customer, but eventually both quattros make the pass. Venari spends the next six laps making a rubber-band-style gap between hmself and Spec get ever so slightly shorter with every corner (tell me we recorded this one, folks?!) and certainly made Spec sweat for his win. The two drivers shook each other warmly by thethroats hand after this one - a real close call and good results for the quattros, Venari upsetting the form book for the car.
The RS200 was inevitbaly dominant on LAN 2, Car-less coming from behind (ooer) and passing the Deltas and R5 of TheCracker to make second. Roo managed to keep his Delta ahead of the nippy R5, a good result.
Standings before the final race:
Venari, 42
Famine, 38
Car-Less, 31
daan, 26
Specialized, 23
Sureshot, 21
Roo, 21
HoldenHSV, 18
TheCracker, 17
Exelero, 12
With the top two drivers capable of outright victory, and them being split by four points, there's a definite chance of Venari buckling under the pressure and succumbing to a race-off - or even losing it completely. Both drivers have 205s, both are starting from third on the grid, both have quick drivers both ahead and behind, and both have managed to line-up against nothing really strong enough to blitz the French hatchback hero... so let us hear the track...
Race 6: Tsukuba
Venari smiles, Famine holds his head in his hands; it is going to be one for the history books...
LAN 1
1st Famine, 205
2nd Roo, 205
3rd Car-less, quattro
4th HoldenHSV, Delta
5th Sureshot, quattro
LAN 2
1st Venari, 205
2nd daan, 240RS
3rd Specialized, Delta
4th TheCracker, Delta
5th Exelero, quattro
Famine's dislike for the track does not show as he and Roo quickly move their 205s to the head of the field for a one-two. Car-less holds the quattro in third for a good result against Holden's Delta, who himself holds off Sureshot's quattro.
Venari similarly quickly pulls into the lead, while daan suffers a sideswipe to put him last. His race is a good one to repass everyone and he begins to slowly catch Venari, but the lead is much too great. A quick, steady and (finally) faultless drive from Venari to race- and overall wins.
Winner: Venari!
With more prizegivings (where I claimed the purple flashing wotsit of doom) from the Exelero & Specialized show (and thanks to them once more for fun prizes and the event hire) we decided that eating was no longer put-off-able (is that a word?) and we decided on a Chinese lottery.
That's not a bizarre far-eastern ritual for decision making, it was a firm choice of a Chinese meal, but when you're presented with a lot of unmarked plastic boxes freshly collected by the fabulous Milford Cubicle, you just grabbed something and started shovelling.
(I still don't know what I ate...) Still, it tasted good, and there were beverages of the alcoholic variety for everyone over the legal age. (Except, it seems, for the bartender, who looked about 11, but repeatedly told us he was 19. 
)
This is when Milford Cubicle recovered a set of handheld devices with large red buttons. Large red things are cool. Especially when they light up. As these did. And make the sound of a duck/siren/huge fart when you push them. As these also did. We proceeded to lose a game of 'Buzz' in spectacular fashion to the all-knowing Famine - nothing we shouldn't have expected, I suppose.
After two rounds of that (and more alcohol) we decided to quit and go to sleep, so we made our ways home/into the labyrinthine Rutland Arms staircases hoping to find our way back tomorrow...
And Nono drivers, if some of this sounds decidedly unfamiliar, well... never let the facts get in the way of a good story.
'The Nono' - UKGTP9
Saturday
Venari arrived having vastly overestimated the time required to get to the venue, however, this was fortuitous as our host landlord David hadn't realised we were turning up quite so early. Some swift negotiation with the reinemachefrau meant the room would be up and ready for 9.40am. Just before this, the UKGTP crew entirely blocked the carpark in perfect formation and the event started in earnest with some rapid reversing and autotest-like parking manoeuvers before unloading the cars.
Moments later, the kit was being assembled equally rapidly, and soon we had our (almost) full complement of: Car-Less, daan, Exelero, Famine, HoldenHSV, Roo, Specialized, SureShot, TheCracker and Venari. Milford Cubicle was also gracing us with her extremely helpful presence, being organisational and providing behind-the-scenes order to things while Famine and I fluffed and wittered on.
Which reminds me... Stevisiov, are you alright, fella?
Action shot!
Finito.
As I recall, we were pretty much up and running by 11am, and ten (um, nine-and-a-half?) racers were ready to race after a drivers' briefing that was comedic only because of the lack of preparation and deadpan/confused delivery by yours truly - and the stipulation that there should be no swearing because this was a 'family pub'.
So, onto the racing. As is traditional, the event starts with a handicap race:
Event 1: The Classics Handicap
A nice scary start to the event: oldtimers provide slidy antics from the off, especially when the start car is the torquey Jensen Interceptor, and the tyres are not super stickies... sports mediums on all cars in the Classics Handicap. Top two drivers from each LAN would graduate to the next car (in this case, the BMW 2002 Turbo) and swap LANs.
Following the BMW, drivers graduate to the '73 Skyline 2000GT-R, then the Alfa Duetto, then the stalwart Triumph Spitfire and finally the 'very slow' Autobianchi A112.
One thing we found at the Dutcho was that car colour choice could be important for replays, so to get into the swing of that, I made sure everyone declared their colours at the beginning of the race... which of course soon degenerated into the gutter with some of the colour descriptions...
Race 1: Seoul - All Jensen Interceptor lineup.
Venari changed Famine's randomised running order at the last minute. The tracklist was to begin with Suzuka West (and Famine was looking forward to everyone barrelling up to the first corner at 110mph... and ploughing straight on into the temporary bales and gravel trap.) Of course, this cunning plan was put to bed by the selection of Seoul as the first track. Instead, everyone barrelled up to the first corner at 110mph, and then ploughed straight on into the Armco.
First corner dispatched with lots of amusing swearwords (
) the racing truly began.LAN 1
1st Car-Less - Tangerine
2nd Famine - Royal Blue
3rd Roo - Black
4th HoldenHSV - White
5th daan - Yellow
LAN 2
1st SureShot - Mustard
2nd Specialized - Fawn Metallic
3rd TheCracker - Green
4th Venari - Red
(Where did Exelero go?)
Venari and daan getting off to shaky starts in the grip-free lunacy that was Jensens at Seoul. There was plenty of bouncing around and everyone was nosing the big coupe very carefully into the 'dumb-bell' and very gingerly easing it out. Except perhaps for Venari. Hard battles all around otherwise, which set the tone for what was to become a hard-charging event all around.
So, Car-Less, Famine, SureShot and Spec move onto the Bimmer.
Race 2: SSR5
And so, the darkened Japanese streets welcome the classics, with new German blood added into the mix.
LAN 1
1st Roo - Black Jensen
2nd daan - Yellow Jensen
3rd SureShot - White BMW
4th Spec - Green BMW
5th HoldenHSV - White Jensen
LAN 2
1st Venari - Red Jensen
2nd TheCracker - Green Jensen
3rd Famine - White BMW
4th Car-Less - Black BMW
The BMW proved no match for the big British bruiser on the straights, and only an unlucky (and very tired) HoldenHSV kissed the armco more than once to nurse the Jensen home after the BMWs. Meanwhile, Roo, daan, Venari and TheCracker powerslid and flicked their way to the Turbo.
Race 3: New York
Holden perked up immediately when he realised his White charger was going to have a good chance on the long straights of New York. With everyone else in the BMW, there was going to be some close draughting battles on the way too. Exelero finally found the keys to her Fawn metallic Jensen also and took a seat in the East Coast sunlight.
LAN 1
1st HoldenHSV - White Jensen
2nd SureShot - White BMW
3rd Speciaized - Silver BMW
4th Venari - Black BMW
5th TheCracker - Green BMW
LAN 2
1st Famine - White BMW
2nd Car-Less - Silver BMW
3rd Roo - Black BMW
4th daan - Green BMW
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
Well, white was the colour to have in NY. Holden made the Jensen a speck in the distance while the BMWs battled hard for tighter lines and nailing the draught-pass-and-brake maneouevers. HoldenHSV had that fun to come, graduating to the BMW while SureShot, Famine and Car-Less looked forward to some Japanese steel.
Race 4: Infineon/Sears Point Sport
Venari rubbed his hands and grinned wolfishly at the track selection, and took to the wheel of the "don't want that one" green BMW with relish...
LAN 1
1st Venari - Green BMW
2nd Specialized - Black BMW
3rd Car-Less - Red Skyline
4th Famine - White Skyline
5th TheCracker - Silver BMW
LAN 2
1st Roo - Black BMW
2nd daan - Green BMW
3rd SureShot - Red Skyline
4th HoldenHSV - White BMW
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
... and on one of his form tracks, Venari positively hurled the BMW up the hill FTW. The Skylines proved to be fine cars, but lacking the power of the BMW, and only some hard battling between two on-form drivers scuppered TheCracker's drive.
LAN 2 proved to be a closer race, but daan and Roo brought the BMWs home for promotion, with Holden and Exelero fending off fatigue and children respectively for their undeserved fourth and fifth.
Race 5: High-Speed Ring Normal
With the draughtfest that is the HSR, anything could happen. A moment's lapse and you're outta there...
LAN 1
1st Car-less - Red Skyline
2nd TheCracker - White BMW
3rd daan - Silver Skyline
4th Famine - White Skyline
5th Roo - White Skyline
LAN 2
1st Venari - Silver Skyline
2nd Sureshot - Red Skyline
3rd HoldenHSV - White BMW
4th Specialized - White Skyline
A draught- and drift-fest, where TheCracker tames the BMW while chasing hard the red Skyline of Car-less, and daan getting the better of the white Skylines of Roo and Famine.
Meanwhile, Venari equally squeaks ahead of Sureshot in a hardfought draught scrap which Holden and Spec just couldn't quite hang onto. That battle denied Holden promotion to the Japanese coupe.
Race 6: La Sarthe II - 4 laps.
And the groans and cheers echoed in equal measure as those recently handed the Alfa cursed and the Skyline and BMW drivers engaged 'Smug Mode' for Le Mans. However, Exelero was nowhere to be seen... Jensen stuck in French truck-drivers' strike?
LAN 1
1st Famine - Silver Skyline
2nd daan - Red Skyline
3rd Roo - White Skyline
4th Venari - Green Alfa
5th Sureshot - Celeste (slightly effeminate) blue Alfa
LAN 2
1st HoldenHSV - White BMW
2nd Spec - White Skyline
3rd TheCracker - Red Skyline
4th Car-less - Red Alfa
The Alfa proved nimble enough to hang on to the big Skyline as far as the start of the Mulsanne, and then the cackling retro-ricers took off into the middle distance with a lunatic drag-race down the infamous straight. Venari and Sureshot, however, decided to team up and bump0-draught some extra speed out of the pair of Alfas, which did work, but at 120+mph, it wasn't enough to catch the 140+mph Skylines. All three Skylines stuck together for similar mad draughting shennanigans on the next three laps, while Venari squeaked out a lead just large enough to break the draught from an unlucky Sureshot.
Holden's BMW proved the power of turbocharging wins out over the high-spinning Skylines, but the draughting still made the first part of the lap anyones until the superior acceleration and grip of the BMW won out. Car-less's lonely drive at the back led to an almost inevitable fourth.
So, a nice short track, please?
Race 7: Nurburgring 2-lapper (!)
Incredulous laughter greeted the next race, followed by a 2-lap agreement ('coz' we woz' all gettin' hungry) and the Skylines and Jensen were probably going to prolong the Alfa drivers' pain (and pleasure - because it was a peach to drive, really.)
LAN 1
1st Roo - White Skyline
2nd HoldenHSV - White Skyline
3rd Venari - Red Alfa
4th SureShot - Celeste Alfa
5th Spec - Green Alfa
LAN 2
1st TheCracker - Red Skyline
2nd daan - Black Alfa
3rd Car-less - Green Alfa
4th Famine - Not so effeminate blue Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
The Skyline did indeed prove to be the car to have, as they zipped off into the distance to gain their Alfa keys. With Roo squeaking a fair lead on Holden and TheCracker simply disappearing up the hills, the Alfas were left to battle for places. Both races were fairly hard-fought, but daan and Venari won out when the line was crossed, with daan's second place earning him the first drive of the Spitfire.
Race 8: Laguna Seca
Much ribbing of daan's new steed ensued ('will it get up the hill?') and the typically cool smiling Scot made it difficult for us to tell if he was worried. Meanwhile Venari finally just about figured out that if Holden's choosing a colour, it's likely to be white.
LAN 1
1st Venari - Celeste Alfa
2nd Sureshot - Red Alfa
3rd Specialized - Green Alfa
4th TheCracker - Beige Alfa
5th daan - Mimosa Spitfire (ooooh, get you - 'Mimohhhhhsa'.)
LAN 2
1st Famine - Celeste Alfa
2nd Roo - Black Alfa
3rd Car-less - Red Alfa
4th HoldenHSv - White Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
Some rather boisterous Alfa racing happened in sun-drenched California, with nary a virtual panel left unscathed. Slip-sliding the Alfa through the Corkscrew (and sometimes over lots and lots of grass) quickest was Venari, while Famine did the same, only tidier. Tough battles all around, with the braking markers taking an early bath as some sneaky tactical racing reared its head too. The race to the victory was on... bring on the Spitfires!
No big hills this time, eh?
Race 9: Cote d'Azur.
More groans, pretty much from everyone this time. The punishing climb from Sainte Devote through Beau Rivage to crest at Massenet would not help the Spits.
LAN 1
1st Specialized - Green Alfa
2nd TheCracker - Black Alfa
3rd daan - Mimosa Spitfire
4th Famine - Maple (Indigo) Spitfire
5th Roo - BRG Spitfire
LAN 2
1st Car-less - Black Alfa
2nd Venari - Maple Spitfire
3rd Sureshot - BRG Spitfire
4th HoldenHSV - White Alfa
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
The Spitfires proved no match for the Alfas on LAN 1, but daan's smooth style and one race practice with the asthmatic long-stroke 1500 put him ahead of the pack for third, with typically Monagasque racing threatening the Spitfires' chrome all race.
On LAN 2, after a rather unfortunate start for Exelero and the Alfas moved off up the hill, Venari made an early pass stick on Sureshot and the race was on. Trying to ignore the big green sharknose in the mirrors, Venari began to reel in the white Alfa, its Scottish driver now feeling proper fatigue from his very early morning start. Finally succumbing to consistent harrassment, Holden dabbed the brake a little too hard into Casino hairpin and Venari and Sureshot jinked right to pass the beached Alfa around the outside. Venari piled on some pace through the exit of Piscine, Rascasse and a good line through Antony Noghes to hold a clear second and claimed first drive of the Autobianchi.
Race 10: El Capitan Normal
"No fear, the Autobianchi is a slug, you've not got a hope..."
LAN 1
1st Famine - Maple (Indigo) Spitfire
2nd Car-less - French Blue Spitfire
3rd Venari - Lancia Blue Autobianchi
4th Roo - BRG Spitfire
5th daan - Mimosa Spitfire
LAN 2
1st HoldenHSV - White Alfa
2nd Sureshot - BRG Spitfire
3rd TheCracker - Carmine Spitfire
4th Spec - Delfi Blue Spitfire
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
LAN 1 gawped as the little Autobianchi proved extremely sprightly off the line and took second from fourth on the grid, followed soon by a pass on Car-less to take the lead. Fast to warm the tyres, the little hatch's rear end must have been like a red rag to the bulls of Car-less and Famine's Spitfires. Places swapped furiously over the next three laps before Venari lost the plot (and the front end) more than once and fell back, to concentrate on racing to the finish. Crisis averted, Famine hurled the Spit consistently up the hill towards the tunnel in spectacularly fast style to open a lead he was not to relinquish.
Holden made good on the Alfa's power and won his Sptifire drive, while Sureshot stayed ahead of TheCracker and Spec to get into the hatchback too.
Race 11: Hong Kong
Yuk, walls.
LAN 1
1st Sureshot - Beige Autobianchi
2nd daan - Mimosa Spitfire
3rd Venari - Lancia Blue Autobianchi
4th HoldenHSV - White Spitfire
5th Roo - BRG Sptifire
LAN 2
1st Car-less - Beige Autobianchi
2nd Spec - Delfi Blue Spitfire
3rd Famine - Met Pale Blue Autobianchi
4th TheCracker - White Spitfire
5th Exelero - Fawn Jensen
With Venari liking the track as much as Exelero likes the Jensen, the speed of the Autobianchi off the line didn't help him, as Sureshot pulled from third to first in quick order, with Venari not managing to stay past daan's Spitfire for long from fourth on the grid. Sureshot stayed on top, while Holden held off Roo for fourth.
Car-less equally enjoyed the hatch more than Famine on LAN 2, with Spec separating them in second, and TheCracker leading the Jensen home.
But... with two Autobianchi winners, that means...
RACE-OFF!
Peugeot 106S16 at Special Stage Route 5
1st Car-less - White
2nd Sureshot - Red
Car-less fast start and smooth style got him an early lead and Sureshot was hard-pushed to keep pace. A deserved win for the 'Devon Ninja'.
Winner: Car-less!
===
Lunch
Never fall asleep at a UKGTP...
Event Two: The DTM Pick'n'Mix
Refreshed from our bacon and chip butties, we descend from the Colonial Marine dropship of lunch ("Somebody wake up Holden...") into the LV426 that is the the first of the weekend's pick'n'mixes. Six cars, six rounds, and you don't know the tracks until they appear on the bigscreen like the alien spawn busting from John Hurt's gut.
This time, it's the Deutsche Tourenwagen Meisterschaft cars, from the beautifully balanced Mercedes 190E through the revvy Alfa 155, Audi A4 and Opel Astra to the thunderous Audi TT and Mercedes CLK.
It is F1 stylee scoring, with 10pts for first 6 for second, 4 for third, 3 for fourth and 2 for fifth, our last place.
Round one turns out to be a proper baptism of fire too...
Round 1: Suzuka
Hmm. Speed for the long haul around 130R, or finesse for the technical curves on the Honda circuit?
LAN 1
1st Car-less, TT
2nd daa, CLK
3rd Famine, Alfa
4th HoldenHSV, A4
5th Exelero, 190E
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, CLK
2nd Roo, A4
3rd TheCracker, Astra
4th Venari, A4 (eh?)
5th Specialized, TT
Suzuka proves to reward power, with the TT and CLK being generally form cars, although a good result for Roo in the A4. Venari is not entirely surprised when the TT he thought he had turns out to be an A4. I mean, how could you miss that? Mind you, Spec didn't have a fun time in his TT either, so the mood for the event is set.
UKGTP: Serious business.
Round 2: Trial Mountain
Venari picks out the TT, joined by Exelero, while daan and TheCracker select the Alfa. Little do we know, the A4 is the car to have...
LAN 1
1st Famine, A4
2nd Roo, Astra
3rd Car-less, 190E
4th daan, Alfa
5th TheCracker, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, A4
2nd Venari, TT
3rd HoldenHSv, Astra
4th Specialized, CLK
5th Exelero, TT
Famine and Car-less' smooth button-bashery puts them in good positions, Famine FTW with the A4, and the 190E of Car-less being a good result bracketing Roo's Astra.
Venari has blistering pace and stunning inconsistency in one package, handing the race to Sureshot's A4, with Holden's Astra holding off Spec's brutal CLK.
Scores after two rounds:
Sureshot, 20
Car-less, 14
Famine, 14
Roo, 12
daan, 9
Venari, 9
HoldenHSv, 7
TheCracker, 6
Specialized, 5
Exelero, 4
Round 3: Tsukuba
The pint sized track makes for fast and furious racing. Something that sticks in low speed corners? Or try to get downforce for that evil right-hander?
LAN 1
1st Venari, Astra
2nd daan, Astra
3rd Specialized, Alfa
4th Famine, 190E
5th Exelero, Astra
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, TT
2nd HoldenHSV, TT
3rd TheCracker, CLK
4th Roo, 190E
5th Car-less, Alfa
On another of his form tracks, Venari pulls up from last on the grid with (finally) a smooth-driving combination of slow-in-fast-out at the bottom hairpin onto the straight and bold dives down the inside at the end of the straight after a short draught. daan hangs on for second and Spec delivers in the Alfa ahead of one of Famine's least favourite tracks in the slow but wide 190E in front of a valiant effort from Exelero.
All are certainly glad they didn't line up against the TTs of Sureshot and Holden, who barrelled their way to a one-two, with TheCracker's CLK not far behind. Roo puts up a good battle against the Alfa of Car-less who may be beginning to feel the pressure!
Standings:
Sureshot, 30
Venari, 19
Famine, 17
Car-less, 16
Roo, 15
daan, 15
HoldenHSV, 13
TheCracker, 10
Specialized, 9
Exelero, 6
Round 4: Deep Forest
Bold moves required in the camber-tastic forest. Balance or power?
LAN 1
1st Sureshot, Astra
2nd Specialized, Astra
3rd Car-less, A4
4th TheCracker, 190E
5th Roo, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Famine, CLK
2nd Venari, CLK
3rd HoldenHSV, CLK
4th daan, 190E
5th Exelero, 190E
Not to be outdone by Venari, Sureshot muscles the Astra up from last on the forest track, only Spec proving to be an obstacle in his way and a tough battle ensued which Sureshot ultimately won to maintain his clean sweep. Car-less and his A4 waited fruitlessly to pick up the pieces from third, and TheCracker creditably brought the 190E in ahead of Roo's Alfa.
LAN 2 was a similarly hard fought CLK war, with Venari again chasing from the back of the pack, while Famine's fourth on the grid and rapid assumption of the lead meant that Venari was scrabbling for grip in his wake for the next seven laps. Holden kept it on the black stuff for third, with the outgunned 190Es of daan and Exelero rounding out the field.
Standings after Round 4:
Sureshot, 40
Famine, 27
Venari, 25
Car-less, 20
daan, 18
Roo, 17
HoldenHSV, 17
Specialized, 15
TheCracker, 13
Exelero, 8
Round 5: Fuji 2005GT
Everyone with a powerhouse left gave a silent cheer for the circuit with the long-straight... as long as you can keep the car in line and tidy... or does one just go mental and use those huge (and slippery) runoff areas?
LAN 1
1st daan, A4
2nd Venari, Alfa
3rd Sureshot, Alfa
4th Specialized, 190E
5th HoldenHSV, Alfa
LAN 2
1st Famine, TT
2nd Roo, TT - +0.001second!
3rd Car-Less, Astra
4th TheCracker, TT
5th Exelero, Alfa
He had to crack eventually... On LAN one it was an easy race for daan in the A4. In post-race interview he admitted it was the class car of the field, but needless to say, the Scot bided his time and waited for the first full length of the straight to sail past everyone to a lead to the finish, Behind him, a hard fought battle raged yet again, but Venari quickly realised that the key to a good lap was keeping a good line at the first corner. Time after time cars screeched past on the inside, and time after time Venari held the smoother line and held ahis place. Passed by draughting by (I think) Sureshot and HoldenHSV later in the race, both competitors launched themselves heavily into the kitty litter and Venari broke away in the Alfa to take second.
LAN 2 was a royal scrap between the TTs of Famine and Roo, with hard but fair racing seeing many lead changes, right up until the last corner, where Roo got the drive out of the last corner and held a good draught... but it just wasn't quite enough by thje smallest possible margin! A one-thousandth of a second win for Famine - arrrrgggg!!! Car-Less brought the Astra home ahead of TheCracker's TT and Exelero's Alfa.
Standings before the final race:
Sureshot, 44
Famine, 37
Venari, 31
daan, 28
Car-less, 24
Roo, 23
HoldenHSV, 19
Specialized, 18
TheCracker, 16
Exelero, 10
Sureshot doesn't seem so sure of a shot at champion, Famine's drought of points seems over as he rides into the last round with the perky Astra, but he has to win and Sureshot has to come last for him to be champion, 4th to draw for the race-off. Venari's podium is being hunted relentlessly by daan, Roo and Car-less - Venari's 190E will be hard to keep ahead of daan's TT, that was for sure.
So, it's the bottom of the fifth, and the scores are tight... it's time for the big one:
Race 6: Grand Valley East Reverse
LAN 1
1st Famine, Astra
2nd Car-Less. CLK
3rd Sureshot, 190E
4th HoldenHSV, 190E
5th Roo, CLK
LAN 2
1st daan, TT
2nd Specialized, A4
3rd TheCracker, A4
4th Exelero, CLK
5th Venari, 190E
Upsets small and large in the final round. Famine clears Car-Less' CLK to win, but Surehot grabs third, a good result for the 190E and an uncharacteristic last for Roo (retired?) This is enough to secure Sureshot's victory and Famine a second place... but what of third?
Much the same on LAN 2, Spec took an early lead with daan giving chase, while Venari found good speed through the mid-section. The hard battle between Exelero and TheCracker to regain position leads to Venari's 190E suffering a 'racing incident' at the final hairpin, collecting a lot of gravel and possibly some damage(?!) Rejoining last, it was obvious something was severely wrong with the Mercedes as it understeered off the circuit into the cones after the straight. Venari retired early, and went to sulk in the pits.
In front, Spec and daan trade places, then trade places again in an epic Audi DTM fight; but on lap six, Spec just misjudges the final hairpin in the A4 leaving the slightest of gaps. Ever the opportunist, daan hurled the TT through to retain the lead to the flag.
Code:
Place Driver Total TT As A4 CL Al 190E
1 Sureshot 48 10 10 10 10 4 4
2 Famine 47 10 10 10 10 4 3
3 daan 38 10 6 10 6 3 3
4 Venari 33 6 10 3 6 6 2
5 Car-Less 30 10 4 4 6 2 4
6 Roo 25 6 6 6 2 2 3
7 Specialized 24 2 6 6 3 4 3
8 HoldenHSV 22 6 4 3 4 2 3
9 TheCracker 20 3 4 4 4 2 3
10 Exelero 13 2 2 2 3 2 2
65 62 58 54 31 30Winner: Sureshot!
Event Three: The Group B Pick'n'Mix
The Group B races were dragged back kicking and screaming from UKGTPV: Ford RS200, Nissan 240RS, Renault 5 Maxi Turbo, Peugeot 205 turbo 16, Lancia Delta Integrale Evo, and the ubiquitous 1981 'urquattro'.
With exactly the same line up and (by design) at least one of the same tracks, it was already known that this was going to be fun racing. Dig out that instrumental copy of 'Duel' by Propaganda - we're going rallying!
Race 1: Laguna Seca
LAN 1
1st Famine, 240RS
2nd Car-Less, 205
3rd daan, 205
4th HoldenHSV, quattro
5th Exelero, 240RS
LAN 2
1st venari, 240RS
2nd Roo, 240RS
3rd TheCracker, 240RS
4th Specialized, 240RS
5th Sureshot, Delta
Famine and Venari drift the sweet Nissan to victories on theier respective LANs. Venari led from pole, and resisted showboating the Nissan, instead showing a clean set of 'flaps to Roo, holding in line in second.
Famine's result was a harder victory to win from fourth on the grid. daan spent the race chasing but not catching Car-Less, with the occasional visit to the scenery: "It is a rally car, after all..."
Back in LAN 2, Sureshot suffered in the Delta; maybe the winners' Champagne went to his head?
Race 2: HSR (Huzzah!)
The return of one of the most fun races from UKGTPV, especially inserted (ooer) for this event. However, prior experience (or cold logic) led to some tactical choices for this race...
LAN 1
1st daan, RS200
2nd Roo, RS200
3rd TheCracker, RS200
4th Car-less, Delta
5th Famine, quattro
LAN 2
1st Venari, Red RS200
2nd HoldenHSV, White RS200
3rd Sureshot, 240RS
4th Exelero, R5
5th Specialized, 205
... except for Famine and Exelero, who both wondered 'what if?' Famine's post-race comment was something along the lines of: "It was crap." However, Exelero's choice (greeted by sharp intakes of breath from those who thought they knew better) was rewarded with a fourth place after Sureshot's top-gear-limited 240RS.
For everyone else, however, this was a draughting expedition, the RS200s invariably being caught in-line-astern, and with bold passing moves into turn one. daan was victorious on LAN 1, in a battle any of the top three could have won. LAN 2 was a close match between Holden and Venari. venari was quick through the last bend, but Holden would seem to draught and pass. But, tactics came into play, and continual pressure in the esses and a tiny error from Holden let Venari close up but deliberately not pass until the last bend with a bold yet calculated pass on the outside, carrying greater exit speed to the line for the win.
Points after race 2:
Venari, 20
daan, 14
Famine, 12
Roo, 12
Car-Less, 9
HoldenHSV, 9
TheCracker, 8
Sureshot, 6
Exelero, 5
Specialized, 5
Race 3: Autumn Ring Reverse
The twisty, drifty A-Ring meant that drivers were thinking of handling this time... but anyone not having chosen the RS200 already would have a definate chance in the Ford rocket.
LAN 1
1st Venari, Red R5
2nd Famine, Blue R5
3rd daan, Red R5
4th Exelero, 205
5th Specialized, quattro
LAN 2
1st Sureshot, RS200
2nd Car-Less, R5
3rd HoldenHSV, 240RS
4th Roo, quattro
5th TheCracker, quattro
Finding surprising grip off the line, Venari pulls right up to Famine's bumper by turn three, and the race is on. daan pulled into third and watched for car-nage, while Exelero pushed the 205 up to fourth, Spec not quite managing to make the Gobi-coloued quattro behave off the line. What followed was a furious chase, with the red R5 of Venari looming large in Famine's mirrors for a long time... but eventually wearing the race organiser down to make the pass (I think, down the inside in the hairpin?) and hold him off for first.
Sureshot made the RS200 stick for his first victory of the series, Car-Less and Holden manoeuvering for their second and third ahead of the the fired-up quattros of Roo and TheCracker.
Standings after race 3:
Venari, 30
daan, 18
Famine, 18
Sureshot, 16
Roo, 15
Car-Less, 15
HoldenHSV, 13
TheCracker, 10
Exelero, 8
Specialized, 7
At the half-way point, Venari looks as dominant as Sureshot before him, and Sureshot himself with a win putting him right back in contention; the podium places are going to be hard fought!
Race 4: El Capitan Reverse
LAN 1
1st Car-Less, 240RS
2nd Specialized, RS200
3rd TheCracker, 205
4th Sureshot, R5
5th Roo, R5
LAN 2
1st Famine, Delta
2nd Venari, Delta
3rd daan, Delta
4th HoldenHSV, 205
5th Exelero, RS200
Car-less takes victory from P4 on the grid in the Nissan, passing TheCracker and Specialized on the way, Spec holding on for second in the RS200 (that must have been quite a fight - comments?) Sureshot and Roo find the R5 a tricky handful over the bumps and twists of El Cap.
Certainly, Venari also found the Delta a handful to begin with, with a scrabble through the pack taking longer than expected. Famine pushed his Delta steadily to the lead, and while Venari caught him for a little while, he ran out of talent at the second-gear double-left more than once, slowing his progress. daan waited to pick up the pieces once again, this time with no luck, but managing instead to keep the peppy 205 of Holden at bay. Exelero didn't quite get the hang of the RS200 at the tricky track, and rolled in - still smiling, however.
After 4 races:
Venari, 36
Famine, 28
Car-Less, 25
daan, 22
Sureshot, 19
Roo, 17
HoldenHSV, 16
TheCracker, 14
Specialized, 13
Exelero, 10
Race 5: Infineon (Sears Point) Sportscar
With two cars to go, it's gamble time... will each driver like the last track? Better to pick a good car now, or wait?
Spec, Holden, and TheCracker choose the featherweight R5 for the hilly racetrack - leaving them all with the Delta for the last race. Famine and Car-less roll out the big gun RS200s, leaving them with 205 and quattro respectively. daan decides to save his 240RS and Venari, similarly figures that the quattro would match his liking of the Califonian circuit, and a 205 in the pocket is a good thing... while Sureshot gets his out (ooer) and the race is on...
LAN 1
1st Specialized, R5
2nd Venari, quattro
3rd daan, quattro
4th Sureshot, 205
5th HoldenHSV, R5
LAN 2
1st Famine, RS200
2nd Car-Less, RS200
3rd Roo, Delta
4th TheCracker, R5
5th Exelero, Delta
On LAN 1, Spec screams the R5 away from pole, while a quietly determined Venari inches up from the back of the grid right into the middle of the pack in short order. Sureshot's 205 proves a tricky customer, but eventually both quattros make the pass. Venari spends the next six laps making a rubber-band-style gap between hmself and Spec get ever so slightly shorter with every corner (tell me we recorded this one, folks?!) and certainly made Spec sweat for his win. The two drivers shook each other warmly by the
after this one - a real close call and good results for the quattros, Venari upsetting the form book for the car.The RS200 was inevitbaly dominant on LAN 2, Car-less coming from behind (ooer) and passing the Deltas and R5 of TheCracker to make second. Roo managed to keep his Delta ahead of the nippy R5, a good result.
Standings before the final race:
Venari, 42
Famine, 38
Car-Less, 31
daan, 26
Specialized, 23
Sureshot, 21
Roo, 21
HoldenHSV, 18
TheCracker, 17
Exelero, 12
With the top two drivers capable of outright victory, and them being split by four points, there's a definite chance of Venari buckling under the pressure and succumbing to a race-off - or even losing it completely. Both drivers have 205s, both are starting from third on the grid, both have quick drivers both ahead and behind, and both have managed to line-up against nothing really strong enough to blitz the French hatchback hero... so let us hear the track...
Race 6: Tsukuba
Venari smiles, Famine holds his head in his hands; it is going to be one for the history books...
LAN 1
1st Famine, 205
2nd Roo, 205
3rd Car-less, quattro
4th HoldenHSV, Delta
5th Sureshot, quattro
LAN 2
1st Venari, 205
2nd daan, 240RS
3rd Specialized, Delta
4th TheCracker, Delta
5th Exelero, quattro
Famine's dislike for the track does not show as he and Roo quickly move their 205s to the head of the field for a one-two. Car-less holds the quattro in third for a good result against Holden's Delta, who himself holds off Sureshot's quattro.
Venari similarly quickly pulls into the lead, while daan suffers a sideswipe to put him last. His race is a good one to repass everyone and he begins to slowly catch Venari, but the lead is much too great. A quick, steady and (finally) faultless drive from Venari to race- and overall wins.
Code:
RS200 240RS 205 R5 Delta Audi Total Rank
Venari 10 10 10 10 6 6 52 1
Famine 10 10 10 6 10 2 48 2
Car-Less 6 10 6 6 3 4 35 3
daan 10 6 4 4 4 4 32 4
Roo 6 6 6 2 4 3 27 5
Specialized 6 3 2 10 4 2 27 5
Sureshot 10 4 3 3 2 2 24 7
HoldenHSV 6 4 3 2 3 3 21 8
TheCracker 4 4 4 3 3 2 20 9
Exelero 2 2 3 3 2 2 14 10
70 59 51 49 41 30Winner: Venari!
With more prizegivings (where I claimed the purple flashing wotsit of doom) from the Exelero & Specialized show (and thanks to them once more for fun prizes and the event hire) we decided that eating was no longer put-off-able (is that a word?) and we decided on a Chinese lottery.
That's not a bizarre far-eastern ritual for decision making, it was a firm choice of a Chinese meal, but when you're presented with a lot of unmarked plastic boxes freshly collected by the fabulous Milford Cubicle, you just grabbed something and started shovelling.
(I still don't know what I ate...) Still, it tasted good, and there were beverages of the alcoholic variety for everyone over the legal age. (Except, it seems, for the bartender, who looked about 11, but repeatedly told us he was 19. )This is when Milford Cubicle recovered a set of handheld devices with large red buttons. Large red things are cool. Especially when they light up. As these did. And make the sound of a duck/siren/huge fart when you push them. As these also did. We proceeded to lose a game of 'Buzz' in spectacular fashion to the all-knowing Famine - nothing we shouldn't have expected, I suppose.
After two rounds of that (and more alcohol) we decided to quit and go to sleep, so we made our ways home/into the labyrinthine Rutland Arms staircases hoping to find our way back tomorrow...
Almost did a double-take at that one... 
. Why did I choose scrambled egg?
. Sunday morning I was no better although I got better throughout the day, Monday I almost came but decided it was not worth it for the day.
.
