GTP's Worst 10 Movies... Ever!

[Only_in_f1]

2. Napoleon Dynamite

2. Napoleon Dynamite

I bet you LOVE my avatar.

 

[UnoMOTO]

1.Torque

oh no...Biker Boys makes Torque look like an epic.

I owe my wife a lifetime of movie dates for dragging her to see Biker Boys.

 

[TwinTurbos94]

Yeah,but biker boys had ACTUAL stunt moves ,not gravity defying stunt moves.

 

[UnoMOTO]

Yeah,but biker boys had ACTUAL stunt moves ,not gravity defying stunt moves.

And drag racing sportbikes on a dirt road ACTUALLY happens.

 

[Venari]

No order.

1. Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny: I so wanted to like it. And some of it is quite funny. But overall... suckitude.

Uh... film with Michael Douglas in it about being conned for fun... uh...

2. The Game. It was so brilliantly conceptualized, it was impossible. My suspended disbelief smashed into the floor like a ripe watermelon. And then was shot from umpteen different directions using independently targeting particle beam phalanges, tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, sonic electronic ball breakers, nukes, knives and sharp sticks. And later, harsh language.

In fact, a lot of stuff with Michael Douglas in it sucks. Maybe it's him.

3. Basic Instinct, for instance. It was misogynistic at best, don't you think?

In fact, anything with Catherine Zeta Jones in it. Maybe not the Oceans'... or the thing with Sean Connery about a heist. That sucked the least.

4. Die Another Day. 10 minutes of not bad followed by nearly 2 hours of suck. I love Halle Berry, I really do, but even she couldn't save it. Pensioning Pierce was inevitable after (during?) this, even if it wasn't his fault.

5. I saw the last 10 minutes of Catwoman at Christmas. I love Halle Berry, I really do, but this deserved her Razzie. I loved her even more for her acceptance speech parody of her acceptance speech. In fact, I don't know why she hasn't married me yet, I love her so much. Maybe she's fighing Natalie Imbruglia somewhere. And they're wearing catsuits. And some baby oil is involved. I'll be back later.

6. All the Roger Moore Bonds. Maybe excepting For Your Eyes Only, which wins because A) not played for laughs (mostly) and B) the gorgeous Carole Bouquet, who could also act. Shame about that American child, though. And Roger Moore, obviously.

7. Lawnmower Man 2. Dire.

8. At least 37 of the 24 known Police Academy sequels. (What? The original was funny!)

9. Cobra. (It says worst movies, it doesn't say you can't be laughing so hard during them you temporarily lose all bladder control. )

10. Any film with Sterile Meep or Glenn "Five miles away from the camera is too" Close in it.

Actually, that's probably very unfair, this is ten worst movies, not "ten actresses you want to wrap in brown paper and send to the moon". (Actually, controversially, that bunny boiling film was a bunch of toss too, not least of which because it had Michael Zeta Jones in it too.)

So 10... uh...

ooh, ooh!

10. Starship Troopers 2 - Let it be known, I liked the first Starship Troopers. It was fun, with a capital 'fuh'. And it had sexy people in it. And big guns. And big ships. And big bugs, which got their comeuppance, because they're evil and we're great and good, and nice. And it had a proper sense of crime and punishment! Would you like to know more?

But the sequel... why? Why name this film after the first one? Aside from sharing one actress, who played a character that died in the first film (as you probably would, if you got chopped in half by ten tonnes of blast door.) wtf?


I'd like to include The Devil's Advocate but I can't. I didn't like this film because it scared the crap out of me. I actually wanted to drag Charlize out of the screen and run away with her, poor girl. Those wives were creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy. It's actually an excellent film, it's just that I'm a wuss and I can't watch it again.

 

[TwinTurbos94]

lol yeah I've seen it done....hilarious. When you're doing that, you need to go to the strip.

 

[Famine]

4. Star Wars Episode II
5. Star Wars Episode I

Edit: And Blazing Saddles... which I think I just might have to bump the Village for.

No need - your two Star Warses can be lumped into Star Wars I-III Trilogy.

I believe that technically that choice invalidates your entire list. I'm pretty sure Famine said in the rules that if Anchorman was chosen as one of the worst, you don't get to vote.

Sorry. I can't help it if Will Farrell does the most retarded movies known to mankind. Only Talladega Nights has ever impressed me, and that's because he didn't act like a complete twit.
He is a terrible actor imo.

Fascinating fact - Will Ferrell played Musafa, Dr. Evil's techy Arabic henchman, in Austin Powers 1 & 2.

 

[superberkut]

1. Kazaam
2. We Own the Night
3. Stealth
4. Hairspray (personal choice; it is in reality a very well-executed movie)
5. Bewitched
6. Lolita (WHY?)
7. What the Bleep Did I Just Hear?
8. What the Bleep?!? Down the Rabbit Hole
9. Stuart Little 2
10. Star Wars Episode 3- Attack of the Clones (they never attack)

 

[McLaren]

Fascinating fact - Will Ferrell played Musafa, Dr. Evil's techy Arabic henchman, in Austin Powers 1 & 2.

I know. I learned that fact long after seeing both movies. However, I had never noticed him, so I never really cared.

 

[Solid Lifters]

1. Kazaam
2. We Own the Night
3. Stealth
4. Hairspray (personal choice; it is in reality a very well-executed movie)
5. Bewitched
6. Lolita (WHY?)
7. What the Bleep Did I Just Hear?
8. What the Bleep?!? Down the Rabbit Hole
9. Stuart Little 2
10. Star Wars Episode 3- Attack of the Clones (they never attack)

Of course they do. They attack all Jedi Knights and kill them off. Even all the younglings.

 

[Venari]

Of course they do. They attack all Jedi Knights and kill them off. Even all the younglings.

There were Jedi Knights and younglings in Hairspray?

 

[superberkut]

It was a tad too furtive for my perception; it just looked like they walked around in enemy territory, showing off their armies and Jango Fett and that was that. Thank you for the correction. I would watch it again, but the Star Wars theme has already worn thin.

I wish there were Jedi knights and younglings in Hairspray! Then I'd watch it and it would appear in this thread's counterpart. And, it would keep my relatives quiet.

 

[Danoff]

No need - your two Star Warses can be lumped into Star Wars I-III Trilogy.

Durrrrrr... good idea. I'll make the appropriate edits now.

 

[YSSMAN]

Hey come on now, they weren't all that bad. They just weren't that good. Tied up some loose ends and such... But hey, at least we're getting that new animated Clone Wars movie. Which is going to be AWESOME!

 

[Danoff]

Hey come on now, they weren't all that bad. They just weren't that good.

No, they were horribly horribly bad. They're just Star Wars so you give them a little extra credit. I can go off on the prequels but I'll just give you a taste:

1) Destruction of the force with metichlorians or however you spell it (doesn't fit with Ep.4-6)
2) "Sand is rough, not like you, you're soft and smooth"
3) The main character whined his way through all three movies
4) Missed opportunities
5) Pointless distracting scenes that did nothing but promote video games and toys
6) Jar-jar
7) Liam, Ewen, and Portman are all capable actors who ended up putting in some really really bad performances.
8) Anachronistic BS that didn't make sense with Ep. 4-6
9) Retarded endings for main characters (she died of a broken what??)
10) Bad bad bad bad bad dialogue. "You're breaking my heart" nobody actually SAYS that. They feel it. They show it, but they don't SAY it.

 

[YSSMAN]

Meh, its a lot of the same stuff you always hear. Its all completely valid, a lot of the acting was very wooden, and not all of the writing had the same epic feel to it as the origional trilogy. That being said, they served their purpose of filling in (some) of the loopholes and making the story "complete." I completely agree that there still is a lot of space to fill, and fortunately (or unfortunately?) we have the Clone Wars animated movie and the new TV show to help out.

I love Star Wars to death, so I'm sure thats a bit of a blinder. But even then, there are plenty of us who totally hated it too. I didn't care much for Episode I, but I did enjoy Episode II and III. They aren't perfect, but hey, at least we got 'em, right?

 

[V1P3R]

oh no...Biker Boys makes Torque look like an epic.

I owe my wife a lifetime of movie dates for dragging her to see Biker Boys.

My Biker friend showed me both of those, And he expects me to have respect for bikers and also ride them...?

The Hottie & The Nottie (Seriously, I watched 5 minutes of it. It is a bad film. The title says it. The box office says ($9G opening week) it. And the fact Paris Hilton is in it says it.

Seriously, what were you thinking...?

 

[sn00pie]

My nominations:

xXx: State of the Union
Hoodwinked
Soul Plane
The Princess Diaries
SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Norbit
AVP: Requiem
Bee Movie
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
Save the Last Dance

I was going to add You Got Served, but I am proud to admit I never saw it and would be solely judging by its box art.

 

[YSSMAN]

You didn't like Save the Last Dance? I recall that being a moderately decent movie, good for dates and such. At the very least I found it mildly entertaining...

 

[sn00pie]

You didn't like Save the Last Dance? I recall that being a moderately decent movie, good for dates and such. At the very least I found it mildly entertaining...

No I hated it! Julia Stiles as a whiny little be-atch befriending a supposed ghetto gangbanger gaying up the place with his silly dance moves? No thank you.

 

[V1P3R]

Isn't she wannabe black too?

 

[a6m5]

I thought it was alright too.

Some of the selections in here are just crazy. They either couldn't possibly be correct choices, or you guys haven't seen enough movies to select "10 Worst". Like Danoff's selection of Episode I-III, they can't be the 10 worst films he's ever seen. Maybe 10 that he was most dissapointed by.

I couldn't come up with a list like this off the top of my head(they get buried very deep in my mind....), so I went over few lists from sites like rottentomatoes & imdb. Not in any paticular order:

Transporter 2
Snakes on the Plane
Stealth
House of the Dead
Alone in the Dark
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
Meet the Fockers
Christmas Vacation
Bad Boys 2
Ultraviolet

Not the most accurate list, but I don't want to dig any deeper. And they are of full releases. I swear I saw some movies in here that were straight to video/DVD.

Edit: I took Pearl Harbor out for the addition of Ultraviolet. Let me explain how I took Pearl Harbor out; I took a look at my list, picked out the movie I think I can watch again. Trust me, I'm wrong.

 

[GT Pro]

In no particular order...
2. The Pursuit of Happyness
4. Terminator 3

You must have made an error.

 

[V1P3R]

Some of the selections in here are just crazy.

I couldn't come up with a list like this off the top of my head(they get buried very deep in my mind....), so I went over few lists from sites like rottentomatoes & imdb. Not in any paticular order

You disappoint me especially since you're the movie buff. That was such a cop out list.

With that said I updated mine.

 

[Famine]

10) Bad bad bad bad bad dialogue. "You're breaking my heart" nobody actually SAYS that. They feel it. They show it, but they don't SAY it.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Some of the selections in here are just crazy. They either couldn't possibly be correct choices, or you guys haven't seen enough movies to select "10 Worst". Like Danoff's selection of Episode I-III, they can't be the 10 worst films he's ever seen. Maybe 10 that he was most dissapointed by.

Given the reasons (bad acting, directing, scripting) he cited, I wouldn't be in a hurry to argue. Jar Jar Binks alone makes You Got Served look like The French Connection.

What is it that makes EpI-III a "crazy" choice, but the similarly pretty and heavily flawed "Pearl Harbor" worthy of your choice?

You must have made an error.

Not that I can see. Both were utter ghack.

 

[Speedy Samurai]

1) Hardware (1990)
2) Waterworld (1995)
3) Pearl Harbour (2001)
4) Battlefield Earth (2000)
5) Star Wars: Episode I (1999) (What the Phantom Menace was Lucas thinking!?)
6) LOTR The Two Towers (2002) (This is here simply because I can't stand it that Jackson made the ents come off as some sort of mentally handicapped foliage.)
more to come
7) Gigli (2003)

 

[niky]

You made it to the middle? Brave man. I got 15 minutes in.

If it's so bad you couldn't watch any more, it more than qualifies!

Hey, My wife nearly died of boredom after the first five. I persisted. The dance number at the end almost made up for the movie, Raised it from a 0/5 star movie to 1/5. A very surreal movie, in an arthouse kind of way (which is strange... I didn't know Americans made arthouse flicks), but just not as fun as it should be.

----

I'm surprised by some of the stuff here... maybe LOTR III was a little over-wrought (okay... completely overwrought), but LOTR II was okay and LOTR I was perfect.

Run, Lola, Run was kinda fun for what it was.

Kill Bill kinda sucked, but the big fight scene in Pt.I was spectacular, blood-soaked, gory and funny. Which made the suckiness of the rest of Kill Bill even more apparent.

Super Troopers? Is this with Bud Spencer and Terence Hill? It's a classic!

Shrek's a kid's movie. With some parental humor. Works very well that way.

7. Love Actually

For that, you die! No movie with Kiera Knigthley in it is not good! Not even Star Wars Episode I! Okay... well... maybe Star Wars Ep.I sucked balls... she was only an extra, anyway...

Man, you guys really don't watch too many sucky movies, do you?

-----------------------------

10 Worst Movies I Actually Paid Dineros For:

10. Matrix Reloaded - A good example of how to make an intricate, well-choreographed, action-packed movie booooooooring. Neo versus Smith - most pointless fight scene ever.

9. Star Wars I-III - Obviously going to be on everyone's list. I'm sorry, really, up until these movies, I actually thought Natalie Portman could act.

10) Bad bad bad bad bad dialogue. "You're breaking my heart" nobody actually SAYS that. They feel it. They show it, but they don't SAY it.

They actually don't even show it. They need to say it to actually tell the people what's happening. It's like puppet theater. Except puppets have a better emotional range.

8. Van Helsing - Dear Lord... my brain...

7. Austin Powers 3 - Not even Michael Caine could save this one. Starts out promising, but degenerates into utter rubbish.

6. Speed II / Miss Congeniality II - Why, Sandra? Why? Never let your sister choose a movie. Ever. In fact, never go to the movies with your sister. Ever.

5. Mac and Me - Thankfully, the details of this are lost to time and memory failure.

4. Last Action Hero - I lost all self-respect by paying to see this.

3. Batman & Robin - Why oh why did i watch this one and not Batman Forever (which was arguably a bit better)? Proof that there's no life post-Clueless for Alicia Silverstone... and further proof that Arnold can't act.

2. Epic Movie - Epic Fail. Even understanding the references, the jokes just weren't funny. At all... Add maybe all of the Scary Movies, except for the scene where Anna Faris is blown to the ceiling by a shower of... uhm... a milky substance. Epic Movie should have been the top of this list, except for:

1. House of 1000 Corpses - should have been campy fun... but had absolutely no redeeming qualities. I have absolutely no idea what we were smoking when we decided to watch this. And I don't smoke.

------

Movies I didn't pay to watch, but regretted anyway:

10. Fast and The Furious - They had Tokyo Drift on cable all Christmas here... I'm sad to say I actually enjoyed looking at the cars... but the rest of it was unwatchable.

9. Taxi (US) / Taxi 3 (French) - I actually liked the previous Taxis, in a weird sort of way. Unfortunately, the last movie let the franchise down, and the US interpretation just blew it to bits. Not even a BMW full of supermodles could save this movie.

8. I, Robot - Will Smith deserves to be put in jail for this one, seriously.

7. Ultraviolet - "Underworld" minus steamy vampire sex scene plus more pointlessness.

6. Witchblade - Seriously?

5. Suburban Commando - "Hulk" Hogan. I can't believe I actually remember seeing this movie.

4. Leprechaun Series - I hate watching cable TV late at night.

3. Kazaam/Steel - Shaq. Ugh. Period.

2. American Ninja / 3 Ninjas / Any of that Ninja Bullcrap - But seriously, 3 Ninjas is the worst... thank Science they've grown too old to make any more of those movies

1. White Chicks - The only semi-funny part was Buff Daddy singing Vanessa Carlton... but even that's overplayed. Never let your sister pick DVDs, either... I suppose Big Momma's House was worse, but I couldn't stomach even starting that movie.

 

[Diego440]

I'm editing my list, since I forgot to add one movie: Sweet November.-

 

[Speedy Samurai]

I'm editing my list, since I forgot to add one movie: Sweet November.-

That movie sucked!

 

[Famine]

20 films

And your ten are..?


All the top tens will be smushed together onto an Excel file. The 30 with the most nominations will go to a public poll. Film series will be represented by the single film with the most votes.