The Book of Turismo

[Schwartz]

LOL at this thread. Although I've already contribute myself, I hope nobody gets to serious with it. This is how religions start. And me, personally, well... just read my signature...

As I said before, this is just a bit of fun. Read the OP, it is just a bunch of funny religious sounding comments. Its not really a religion, its more of a satire of religion.

 

[Dmarc_Atl]

Thou shall feast upon thy dust

 

[Spasiboy]

Thou shall not quit the online race before it ends.

Count me in.

 

[leepangfu]

LOL at this thread. Although I've already contribute myself, I hope nobody gets to serious with it. This is how religions start. And me, personally, well... just read my signature...

Yeah before we know it we are at war with the Forzists

 

[Korza]

Count me in. 👍

 

[Valkyr1313]

I wish to learn the way of the turismoist. Please let me join.

 

[ZohsixGT5]

Yeah before we know it we are at war with the Forzists

Also known as...... WW3

 

[Dr MacLean]

I wish to follow the holy beauty that is Turisism.

 

[Moontallico]

I shall join this religion as well!

 

[Malc01]

Thou shalt have one great choice;

Ford Mark IV or Ferrari 330 P4

And that choice shalt define you...

I am a convert of the Mark IV variety...

 

[J-KiLLA24]

Exert from The Apex. The Gospel of Shem.1. GT is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2. It maketh me to drive in green pastures: it leadeth me beside the pit lane.

3. It restoreth my chassis: it driveth me in the slipstream of righteousness for his name's sake.

4. Yea, though I race through the valley of the shadow of Kallenhard, I will fear no understeer: for thou art with me; thy shock and thy springs they comfort me.

5. Thou preparest an opening before me in the presence of mine rivals: thou anointest my sump with oil; my fuel tank runneth over.

6. Surely race suits and paint chips shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of GT for ever.

​

Shem.
Psarthe 24.​

I can see a Rival church, called Forzism opening soon...

Then a Religious war breaking out.

These two comments made my day:tup:

 

[iaustin7]

The Book of Turismo

From hereforth, all men faithful and loyal to the awesome power of Gran Turismo shall be known as Turismists, followers of Turismanity, Believers in the Almighty Kaz, creator and protector of all things Turismo who hails from the great house of Polyphonus Digitus. Apex.

- Thou shall spread the word as it's written in the great forum of GTPlanet.
- There's only one Console, the PlayStation, and Gran Turismo is His Game.
- I am the Yamauchi your God, who brought you out of the land of Forza, out of the house of Turn 10. You shall have no other gods before Me.

You took this from me didn't you!(In bold and on page 3) Happy Holidays Everyone!

 

[Schwartz]

For all ye who preach war with the Forzites:
Us Turismists are not enemies of the Forzites. Infact, we are but brothers of the Forzites, and just because we are split from them on the old border of XBOX/Playstation, does not mean we shall misconcieve them for demonic beasts distraught on destroying Gran Turismo. The truth beith that the Forzites are much the same as us, and should be treated as brothers, not as enemies. One who loves racing is and will always be an ally of of ours.

 

[Jahgee]

I wish to seeith thine holy light. I shall becometh a Turismoist

 

[W3H5]

Annually shall you celebrate on the day of November 24th, for it is the anniversary of the release of Gran Turismo, and shall be known as "Turismas."

Apex, Brother!
​

'Thou shalt not covert thy neighbours GT-R's ass.'

I'm guilty. Is five Green Hail Maybachs for me?

Yeah before we know it we are at war with the Forzists

Let us not judge them for their sins but convert them to see the light the that He means us to.

Apex.
Book of Chicane
​

Did I mention I love this thread? 👍

 

[Matty]

Thy shall only be 6 apostles. And thy shall only be called Bob.

Oh Kaz am I good enough to join your almighty religion? I praise the word. Apex.

 

[W3H5]

Thy shall only be 6 apostles. And thy shall only be called Bob.

Oh Kaz am I good enough to join your almighty religion madness? I praise the word. Apex.

'Tis not for the collective to be judge of the single man, for he who follows Turismoism is our brother indeed.

Apex​

 

[Schwartz]

Thy shall only be 6 apostles. And thy shall only be called Bob.

Oh Kaz am I good enough to join your almighty religion? I praise the word. Apex.

Added to list...


Let the following be acknowledged by all Turismists:
For all ye who preach war with the Forzites:
Us Turismists are not enemies of the Forzites. Infact, we are but brothers of the Forzites, and just because we are split from them on the old border of XBOX/Playstation, does not mean we shall misconcieve them for demonic beasts distraught on destroying Gran Turismo. The truth beith that the Forzites are much the same as us, and should be treated as brothers, not as enemies. One who loves racing is and will always be an ally of of ours.

 

[Matty]

'Tis not for the collective to be judge of the single man, for he who follows Turismoism is our brother indeed.


Apex

I just left the Church of the Fonz.

 

[hawkeye122]

I would like acceptance to thy Original Post, and to thy page of the book of face (Ryan West)

 

[DJones]

I can see a Rival church, called Forzism opening soon...

Then a Religious war breaking out.

Yes, I have long foreseen this.

When I was a merely a tt (not old/experiance enough to have the title of gt) I got lost in the green hell. I wondered for days doing lap after lap trying to find my way. Then one day I came upon a taco stand. I knew not the man that worked there, but he knew me. He told me "everyone goes clockwise, but before you're allowed to you must choose. You may grow to become a very strong and brave Bob warrior or you may become a five letter F word. The decision lies with you my son. When the times comes where will you be?"

To this day I cannot find this taco stand nor do I know the origins of the five letter F word he spoke of. All I know is I am a Bob warrior division 37. I will follow my Stig into the first battle of the toursades, and hopefully I am fit to see through till the end.

This is my DS3.
There are many like it but this one is my own.
Without my DS3 I am nothing.

United we drive.
Together we drive to victory.

 

[Schwartz]

There shall be no religious war with the Forzites, for they are our brothers.

 

[Simple Matt]

Thou shall acquireth all thee DLC, for it is as thee prophet, Kaz the Great Foreseer, has instructed thou do doith so
Apex.

Can I join this noble religion

 

[Schwartz]

I would like acceptance to thy Original Post, and to thy page of the book of face (Ryan West)

Thou shall acquireth all thee DLC, for it is as thee prophet, Kaz the Great Foreseer, has instructed thou do doith so
Apex.

Can I join this noble religion

Follower list updated

 

[TheDabbinDave]

Very clever! My chosen weapon of battle is the mighty THRUST...MASTER T500rs!

Asked to join the FBook group...

 

[W3H5]

Extracts from the disciple Shem's book of Psarthe

Finally, be strong in the Lord of GT and in his mighty Turbo. Put on the full aero package of GT Auto so that you can take your stand against thy opponents' schemes. For our struggle is not against carbon fibre and metal, but against the blowouts, against the blocked fuel lines, against the powers of this dark track and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly Nordschleife. Therefore put on the full wing of downforce, so that when the day of racing comes, you may be able to hold your traction, and after you have done everything, to speed away. Drive firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the helmet of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of Him. In addition to all this, take up the shifter of faith, with which you can quick-fire all the flaming gears of thy ‘box. Take the race suit of salvation and the gloves of the Spirit, which is the word of Kaz. And pray in the pit lane on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for the win.

Apex

Book of Psarthe. 0 - 60​

 

[blah blah blah]

Thou shalt not use Kaz's name in vain

 

[Schwartz]

shem is now a "Piston." Pistons are what keeps the running engine (a metaphor for the Burning Bush) from dying. To become a legendary Piston, one must make significant contributions to the advancement of Turismism.

 

[axletramp]

I think we should just ignore the Revolutionary People's Front of Forza.

Or was it the People's Revolutionary Front... or The Judean People's Front.

Anyway, does Shem get a special hat?

 

[W3H5]

shem is now a "Piston." Pistons are what keeps the running engine (a metaphor for the Burning Bush) from dying. To become a legendary Piston, one must make significant contributions to the advancement of Turismism.

I humbly acknowledge this position of Piston and will use my knowledge of Book of Psarthe to keep followers on the righteous track.

I think we should just ignore the Revolutionary People's Front of Forza.

Or was it the People's Revolutionary Front... or The Judean People's Front.

Those that practice Forzalam are nought for our brothers in speed, though they have been misled by the false deity T10, they are blinded by the greed of a livery editor and it shall be their folly.

Anyway, does Shem get a special hat?

It wouldn't fit over my hair!