GTP - Your WORST 5 Films of All Time

[Duke]

You officially forfeit your right to exist. Natural Born Killers is an awesome movie. It's blasphemy.

You're going to hate what I just edited into my post above, then. I think it's quite possibly the worst serious movie ever made.

 

[Danoff]

Except for Michael Moore - he's the worst of the worst.

I'd have included Michael Moore somewhere but I haven't seen any of his movies. I'd bet natural born killers would have made my list also but, as famine pointed out, I only watch movies I think I have a chance of liking.

Bottom line, people, is that you shouldn't be including movies on your list from a genre you don't really enjoy anyway.

If you'll notice, one of my top 10 movies of all time is a chick flick.

That you put Moulin Rouge on your list of 5 worst movies of all time suggests to me that you know very little about what makes a GOOD movie.

Well, one of us anyway.

but this movie succeeds in every aspect it sets out to do well in.

... which is something of a backhanded compliment isn't it? If the movie sets out to be a ****ty movie then I'll agree that it in fact does succeed. If the Moulin Rouge sets out to be a crappy musical that has a retarded, beaten down story line and lots and lots (and I mean lots) of stupid ideas, then I'll agree it succeeds quite well.

Though I have to admit that Ewen and Nicole do their best with what they had to work with.

 

[slackbladder]

It's very hard for me to think of 5 crap movies that I've seen. I'm very selective with my viewing preferences anyway. However, I know I've seen a fair number of average movies some of which have been mentioned already.
But worst five films?....
Well in no particular order (and subject to memory)..

1. Supergirl (Well Helen Slater was alright on the eyes but the film?...awful)
2. Titanic (The bit where the Titanic sinks was okay!...but nothing else. History is no excuse for bad films)
3. Star Wars Ep I: The Phantom Menace (Only enjoyed the fight with Darth Maul..the rest was excruciating)
4. Commando (Started off kinda reasonable then spiralled into complete farce)
5. Forrest Gump (Not for me...just didn't like the sentimentality in the film)

It's really hard for me to find films I don't like. I think my brain kinda deletes them from my memory! Still, I'm sure there are others that might come back (I'll have to watch more late night TV...great for seeing "execrable" movies!)

 

[///M-Spec]

You officially forfeit your right to exist. Natural Born Killers is an awesome movie. That's like putting Pulp Fiction on a worst movies list. It's blasphemy.

Natural Born Killers - Execrable. Horrid. Quite possibly the single worst, most pretentious, most over-wrought, annoyingly-filmed, inanely-written, woodenly-yet-somehow-over-acted, terrible movie ever made. From the smug 'social commentary' to the vertiginous camera angles to the seizure-inducing instant flashbacks, this movie stunk.

Ditto times three. Pulp Fiction and Natural Born Killers had nothing in common and the only relationship I can readily draw is that one movie was fun and entertaining and one movie blew chunks like a 98 lb. college girl after three six-packs of Natty Light during spring break.

There was absolutely nothing good about Natural Born Killers except for when the credits started to roll. I think Oliver Stone forgot how to make a remotely decent movie shortly after Platoon. And even that one wasn't all that good.


M

 

[Anderton Prime]

For reference, I'm happy that people post films from any genre. Fact is, if danoff has three chick-flicks on his list, he's had some compulsion to go and see (or rent) those three chick-flicks. You can at the least extrapolate from this that if he hated chick-flicks, he wouldn't have seen them at all to vote for them...

That's a big load of doo-doo. I've been dragged, coerced, baited, bargained with, and blackmailed into seeing countless movies I did NOT want to watch courtesy of my girlfriend. It's all part of that compromise thingy...I think it's in the relationship contract somewhere, but what man actually reads that thing?!*

*So-called relationship contract does not in fact exist and is intended as a metaphor.

 

[Swift]

Let's see what I can come up with for this list of crap:

5. Star Trek IV; the Wrath of Khan - ok, can we just forget I even sat through that movie? In all seriousness, this movie was flooded with bad acting, bad special effects, bad plot, just bad overall. I sat through it on a saturday afternoon because I was insanely bored (there wasn't even any golf on TV, whose watching equates to doing less than nothing in my book).

Star Trek IV was the "Voyage Home" Star Trek II was the Wrath of Kahn and both were pretty good. It was I and V that wore incredibly horrid. 👎

 

[Famine]

Yes - Star Trek V was horrific. The last 20 minutes made even less sense when I watched it the other day. The worst thing is, I've got 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 9 & 10 on Director's Edition DVD, so I HAVE to ask for 7, 3 and 5 for Christmas to complete the set...

Anderton - A few years ago, I dragged my girlfriend 240 miles to my dad's for Christmas and had booked us in to see a film. She was really looking forward to seeing "The Others", apparently. She was more than a little pissed when it turned out to be 3 hours of Lord of the Rings - although now she loves Lord of the Rings (specifically Aragorn, but never mind that). We rented "The Others" on DVD and agreed that it stank more than skunk crap.

danoff - Best thing you've said. EvAr. "If the Moulin Rouge sets out to be a crappy musical that has a retarded, beaten down story line and lots and lots (and I mean lots) of stupid ideas, then I'll agree it succeeds quite well."

neon_duke - I've SO got to agree with "Maid in Manhattan". But I'm sitting here nodding my head furiously at your Martin Lawrence comment. Is his entire routine (and I've seen trailers for entire Def Comedy Jam DVDs of him) just "I'm black! Isn't that hilarious?! White people suck!"?


I'm surprised to have not yet seen "Mulholland Drive" in the lists of 5 worst films *awaits Delphic Reason going ape*

 

[Anderton Prime]

Famine, most Def Jam comedians have at least one part of their act dealing with the differences between white people and black people. Martin Lawrence has risen above the minimal stardom of Def Jam by having a lot more to say about life, society, relationships, politics, etc. Granted, he's no Chris Rock, but he's not as limited as you think he is.

And neither Chris Rock or Martin Lawrence have ever been in a great movie. Down to Earth, anyone? How about Head of State? Even National Security and Blue Streak were better than those two Chris Rock suck-fests!

Don't judge a comedian by the movies he appears in. That's like judging a pilot by how well he plays hopscotch.

 

[Firebird]

I can't think of a complete list of five. Most films have at least some redeeming quality. But there are also so many stinkers it's hard to narrow it down to 5 (or even 10).

Anyway, one of the worst in my relatively recent memory:

Punch Drunk Love

Unlike TwinTurboJay, I knew going in that it wasn't a comedy (or at least I suspect TwinTurboJay didn't know it was a movie along the lines of the classics like "Mr. Deeds" and "Little Nicky"). I knew full well it was an art-sy fart-sy movie.

But I didn't know it would be absurd tripe.

To me it was as though Albert Camus came back from the dead, became a moviemaker, and made this turd. Supposedly a very "deep" film, I came away with the impression it wasn't about anything at all. Rather, it was boring and dumb, much like a lot of Camus' work. L'Étranger immediately came to mind (to be fair it's the only Camus novel I've really given a lot of time and effort into reading thoroughly, so maybe not everything he wrote was crap, just the few of his works that I have read).

Then again, I've been accused of not being a particularly deep thinker. Maybe if a was a French homosexual artiste living in a Paris (trying to think of the most stereotypical "artistic" or "cultured" person; no offence to homosexuals, artists, the French/Parisiens, or a combination of more than one of these things) I would have "gotten it". But, being your average North American schmuck, I didn't "get it".

 

[donbenni]

First of all, don't you live in the UK< Famine? What the hell are you doing using miles to show distance? I'm from Canada, speak metric to me!!

Huh? We invented miles.

 

[Firebird]

He was referring more to the fact that we Canadians don't use the Imperial system anymore (for at least a generation or two by now) therefore he hasn't any frame of reference as to how long a mile is.



Anderton:

I'm going to guess you live in Ontario. Imagine driving from Toronto to Ottawa. That's about 250 miles.

 

[Pupik]

[off-topic]

A mile is 1.6 kilometers. Just wait until you have to cook in America, and have to buy dairy products at the grocery store. I always got questions from people, like: "How many cups to a pint, or quarts in a gallon? What's the amount of milliters in a teaspoon?"

[/OT]

 

[Klostrophobic]

Signs
Secret Window
Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Caddyshack II
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

 

[VT]

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - It was extra ordinary alright.
Blair Witch Project - Did anyone else leave with a headache?
Death to Smoochy - Robin Williams as a bad guy? NEVER!
The Matrix Sequels - Enough said.
Pitch Black - You get to see Vin Diesel, and nothing else.

How can you say that the LotR Trilogy is horrible? Thats downright blasphemy. I can see justification for people not liking FotR (no action); but, as for TTT and RotK, those two movies are just downright awesome. RotK is near the top of my all time favorite list. If you actually read the book the movies are very good.

 

[Anderton Prime]

Huh? We invented miles.

Oh yeah... I guess that's why it's called the Imperial system. My bad...!

 

[Klostrophobic]

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - It was extra ordinary alright.
Blair Witch Project - Did anyone else leave with a headache?
Death to Smoochy - Robin Williams as a bad guy? NEVER!
The Matrix Sequels - Enough said.
Pitch Black - You get to see Vin Diesel, and nothing else.

How can you say that the LotR Trilogy is horrible? Thats downright blasphemy. I can see justification for people not liking FotR (no action); but, as for TTT and RotK, those two movies are just downright awesome. RotK is near the top of my all time favorite list. If you actually read the book the movies are very good.

They're all way too friggin' boring. I actually fell asleep during the third one, but that could have been because I had just travelled from Boston to Montreal and had been up for over 24 hours. The fight scenes were excellent, but the rest was crap. None of the characters were exciting at all, and I just wished that Frodo would fall off of a cliff. Just flatout boring. Peter Jackson's other film, Dead Alive, was infinitely better.

I didn't read the book, and after seeing the movies, I'm not going to.

Most overrated films in history.

 

[Danoff]

Pitch Black - You get to see Vin Diesel, and nothing else.

Dude!! No way!

Pitch Black wasn't amazing, but it certainly wasn't bad (let alone among the worst movies ever). They had some fantastic ideas in that movie, and the opening scene was worth the price of admission alone! You can't tell me that the opening scene in that movie wasn't awesome...

What about the cool premise?


Now the Chronicles of Riddick (which is the sequel to pitch black) on the otherhand... that was bad. They had some excellent ideas in that movie too, but they had even more terrible ones.

 

[VT]

Whoops .. I didn't realize I put Pitch Black, I meant to put Riddick .

Thats what I get for talking and typing at the same time.

 

[gt4]

ah thanks to klostrophobic for pointing out another movie i absolutely hated

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

 

[Famine]

Famine, most Def Jam comedians have at least one part of their act dealing with the differences between white people and black people. Martin Lawrence has risen above the minimal stardom of Def Jam by having a lot more to say about life, society, relationships, politics, etc. Granted, he's no Chris Rock, but he's not as limited as you think he is.

As long as people are "dealing with the differences between white people and black people", there will BE differences between white people and black people. I refuse point blank to watch anything with Martin Lawrence in any more - the last one was Bad Boys - since I believe him to be racist.

Still nothing for Mulholland Drive, Contact or The Italian Job (remake). I'm surprised...

VTGT07 - Robin Williams as a bad guy? Try "Insomnia" or "1 Hour Photo"...

 

[Pupik]

ah thanks to klostrophobic for pointing out another movie i absolutely hated

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Agreed, although for me, this would go under the topic of 5 Most Disappointing Movies of All Time. (Famine?)

The costumes and cinematography were top-notch. The script was was dull and cliché, and the fight scenes absurd. Flying kung fu? Why don't I just shoot you with my gun, since it fires bullets that can turn sharply to left when I say so?

 

[Ev0]

I have to agree with Crouching Tiger. I couldn't even watch the entire movie before I lost intrest. Want a good Chinese movie? Go see Hero, the fight scenes are much better, there is a good story, and it still has outstanding cinematography (it's worth seeing the movie for this alone).

And did anyone here like Death to Smoochy? I thought it was a good film for being so off the wall.

 

[Duke]

[Natural Born Killers]... blew chunks like a 98 lb. college girl after three six-packs of Natty Light during spring break.

I actually did a spit take with my coffee when I read this, and then had to explain to my coworkers why I was howling in hysterics... and what 'Natty Light' is. Natty Bo - I haven't had that since the local liquor store that used to put Beast - $499 on its reader board got shut down.

Cheers, ///M!

[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]
The costumes and cinematography were top-notch. The script was was dull and cliché, and the fight scenes absurd. Flying kung fu?

The real problem with this is not CT/HD itself, but that every martial arts movie since then has felt compelled to copy it. Which means that now people like Jackie Chan - who is perfectly capable of performing incredible, amazing, and frankly terrifying stunts in person - find themselves directed to wear a harness and do stupid things for the sake of keeping up with the trend. It also cheapens the accomplishments of 10,000 older artists in real, live films.

 

[Ev0]

The real problem with this is not CT/HD itself, but that every martial arts movie since then has felt compelled to copy it. Which means that now people like Jackie Chan - who is perfectly capable of performing incredible, amazing, and frankly terrifying stunts in person - find themselves directed to wear a harness and do stupid things for the sake of keeping up with the trend. It also cheapens the accomplishments of 10,000 older artists in real, live films.

I think that sums up what is wrong with the entire entertainment industry today, nobody is doing anything new and original, yet when something original comes along, everyone instantly tries to copy it.

 

[capnlarge]

Agreed, although for me, this would go under the topic of 5 Most Disappointing Movies of All Time. (Famine?)

The costumes and cinematography were top-notch. The script was was dull and cliché, and the fight scenes absurd. Flying kung fu? Why don't I just shoot you with my gun, since it fires bullets that can turn sharply to left when I say so?

There is no way Crouching Tiger is one of the 5 worst films of all time. It's one of the most beautiful visual experiences in movie history. If you went into this movie expecting realistic fight scenes, you were obviously going to be disappointed. The fight scenes were amazing, but clearly these people live in a fantasy universe and are fantastically skilled individuals within this universe. I would rank the fight between Jen Yu and Shu Lien as the best I've seen in a movie. To be honest, unless you guys are afraid of subtitles I can't see why someone would hate this movie. It's a masterful work of art.


Now to defend Natural Born Killers...

Natural Born Killers was brilliant for what it did. Its goal was to put you in the eyes of the killers. The rapid-fire flashbacks and visceral murder scenes were what made this movie what it was. In a very visual way it made you feel as insane as the characters in the movie. It may not have had the deepest narrative or the most dramatic plot, but it was a raw, artistic experience. I can see where someone might feel a little uneasy experiencing the murders in such a personal manner. However, that doesn't make it a bad film. It means the film overwhelmingly succeeded in what it set out to do.

 

[CAMAROBOY69]

Whoops .. I didn't realize I put Pitch Black, I meant to put Riddick .
Thats what I get for talking and typing at the same time.

I also liked Pitch Black but didnt like Riddick.
I added #10 to my list. "Sweet Home Alabama" One of the only chick flicks that my girfriend shut off before the end. She and I both hated it.

 

[Famine]

There is no way Crouching Tiger is one of the 5 worst films of all time. It's one of the most beautiful visual experiences in movie history. If you went into this movie expecting realistic fight scenes, you were obviously going to be disappointed. The fight scenes were amazing, but clearly these people live in a fantasy universe and are fantastically skilled individuals within this universe. I would rank the fight between Jen Yu and Shu Lien as the best I've seen in a movie. To be honest, unless you guys are afraid of subtitles I can't see why someone would hate this movie. It's a masterful work of art.

I was contemplating putting it into my list.

It's pap. Wire-fighting sucks and always has done. The dubbed version is even worse.

 

[Swift]

I was contemplating putting it into my list.

It's pap. Wire-fighting sucks and always has done. The dubbed version is even worse.

Here's the thing with CTHD. Everyone could fly/float. So it wasn't like there were some who could and some who couldn't. It was all on a level playing field. I think it was quite well done. Not nearly as weak as other wire laden movies like Charlie's Angels or the Matrix Sequels.

 

[capnlarge]

Here's the thing with CTHD. Everyone could fly/float. So it wasn't like there were some who could and some who couldn't. It was all on a level playing field. I think it was quite well done. Not nearly as weak as other wire laden movies like Charlie's Angels or the Matrix Sequels.

Exactly! Flight is a reality in Crouching Tiger's universe. As far as they're concerned, it's as basic as walking, breathing and being a master martial artist.

And you're dead on about Charlie's Angels movies. Seriously, if you're gonna pick on a film strictly because of it's wire work. At least pick a BAD movie. Crouching Tiger has been pretty much lauded by every film critic and was nominated for several Academy Awards (including Best Picture). Charlie's Angels is at best a movie that's so bad it's funny. It has much worse wirework and the fight choreography isn't even in the same stratosphere as the incredible, artistic fights in Crouching Tiger.

 

[///M-Spec]

I actually did a spit take with my coffee when I read this, and then had to explain to my coworkers why I was howling in hysterics... and what 'Natty Light' is. Natty Bo - I haven't had that since the local liquor store that used to put Beast - $499 on its reader board got shut down.

Cheers, ///M!

Glad I could entertain, sir


Re: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I don't get all the hate.

GTP loves a story about a fantasy la la land where there are talking trees, immortal wizards and a king who commands an army of ghosts...

GTP loves a story about a robot who goes back in time to save the world from armageddon...

GTP loves a story about a galaxy far, far away where people fight with space ships, laser swords and can throw stuff around with their minds...

BUT, oh my god, flying kung fu is too much to take?

I not going to suggest it was an incredible, amazing film or anything, but it was far from junk. People who can fly are as much apart of Chinese mythology as a king who can pull a magic sword out of solid stone is in Western mythology. Try to have some perspective, people.


M