I might have a new entry in my Top 5 worst movies... although it scores points for being hilariously funny in parts (albeit unintentionally), the plot (or lack of it) and some of the stupidest characters ever created for the silver screen manage to drag this film into the 'it's so bad, you'll enjoy it' category... I'm talking about
Jurassic Park III... After loving Jurassic Park, and enjoying Jurassic Park II, I finally got round to buying the trilogy on DVD, having never seen III, but knowing that it was meant to be poor... luckily, the trilogy cost so little that I considered it worth the price for I + II alone, so III was basically a freebie.... THANKFULLY!
First, the good bits: It is genuinely funny in places. The first time the intrepid gang come across a T-Rex, Alan Grant (Sam Neill) stops dead and says "Don't move a muscle!"... one roar from T-Rex and the gang behind him run like hell, much to his dismay. The other funnies, I'm sure, are not so intentional, but arguably even funnier. At the start of the movie, one silly man goes off into the jungle (for no obvious reason) - straight from the plane, mark you... anyhoo, the woman of the troupe decides to start calling for him - using a loud-haler! (which Alan Grant informs her is 'a very bad idea')... the woman's husband (William H Macy) tries to convey this to her by shouting "THAT'S A VERY BAD IDEA", to which she replies (in her loud-haler), "WHAT?" - all the while, the dinos are getting irritated by this utter stupidity (as are the audience by this point)... suddenly, all goes quiet, until you hear a dinosaur roar..."What was that?" asks the husband... *
slaps forehead* All I can say is, "WTF do you think it is, you dozy git, a lion?"
In their hunt for their lost son (don't ask...), the couple come across the remains of the chap who was last seen with the boy (they were both in a bizarre paragliding accident...). This poor guy's decomposed remains are still hanging from the parachute, and (of course) he is discovered by the boy's mother, who throws a wobbly fit as she is confronted by this horrific scene. Unfortunately, she is so close to the hanging corpse, that as she flails around, she gets tangled up in the parachute strings and the corpse keeps coming at her in what can only be described as a masterpiece of horror comedy...
The bad bits, erm... almost too numerous to mention - like the dinosaur (strangely the same one that seems to be following the party around everywhere), whose presence is only betrayed by the fact that it has swallowed their satellite phone and they can hear it ringing inside it (and later, they hear it ringing from inside a big pile of steaming dino poo (which, coincidentally, is a neat summary of the whole film). Also, the lost child just happens to turn up, unscathed, but dressed like Tarzan's son but with smoke grenades (which he conveniently found somwhere), just as Sam Neill is about to be eaten by the omnipresent Velociraptors... and, irony of ironies, the whole film is just too short and ends far too abruptly.
Still, if you can pick it up for dirt cheap, I recommend it... it's good for a laugh if nothing else.
Also can any body who reviews films such as "Skinny Tiger, Fatty Dragon" and "Soul Brothers of Kung Fu" be taken seriously?
Honestly, I took 7th grade Latin last year!
